For as long as I can remember hiding feelings was just who I was. As you age and go through break ups with friends, boyfriends, lovers, family etc, you get more adept at keeping what really bothers you to yourself. Unless you are like me after a few cocktails and then you spew your heart. However, I've only done that if I still cared about the person.
When I was younger and dated I was always told I was a "cold" person. My ex huzband actually coded his house phone to say "The Refrigerator is calling ". Yeah, it's called self preservation. And I admit I am still one of those I will hurt you before you hurt me types. I was having a deep convo with my BFF Holly and relating some comments and she replied, ever so gently because that's how she approaches it, that when I get burned by someone that I still have in my life, when they may be actually genuine, I won't see it as that and think they have an ulterior motive. That would be the cynical side of me. I have over the years, tried not to be that way, but let's face it, sometimes if something or someone seems to good to be true, 9 times out of 10, it's a hoax.
The reason I don't have people in my life who have hurt, betrayed, lied to me is if I can't trust you, I don't want you around. I'm not going to spend my life second guessing you. Life is too short and that's not how I want to exist. I do have a couple of people still in my life that have hurt me, but I keep them at arms length and until I'm finally done, nothing anyone says will get through. I may be a little hard headed or stubborn that way, your call. :)
In the end, feeling emotions, (bleck) is what makes us human. I think in some instances there is nothing wrong with being more robot like to protect yourself but just make sure you do that with people that have wronged you first, give new people a shot. I don't mean lay down and let them rub your belly, but ease into your coldness.
As always, hug hug, kiss kiss and be nice to someone today, it will make you feel good.
