Birthdays!

Remember when you were a kid and you were so excited to have a birthday party, or a sleep over ? Since my birthday falls around Thanksgiving mine have been tricky with coordinating parties or other things.


The one thing that I don't like about birthdays is sometimes it shows you no one likes you for real. LOL. I mean if you plan a party and people can't come, I take it personally. I know I shouldn't especially since it's the holidays, but for the most part, everyone wants to be liked. Even though I say how much I hate people, there are still some people I want to like me and when they don't, I feel like Jr High again. Not that any of these people are 'mean girls' but I view them as popular in our ring and who doesn't want to be popular, even at this stage in your life? I know some with say it doesn't matter, but on some level, it really does.


This year the blessing of my birthday falls on Black Friday. I hate shopping unless I'm going for a specific thing, and I hate traffic and crowds, so this day will be hell. Just kidding, it's going to be a beautiful, sunny, cool day and I will enjoy it no matter what. I will have breakfast with number #1 beloved then I have dinner with my 2nd beloved and my Mum. What more could a birthday girl ask for? Sure a beach trip would have been nice but I do love the cold, it goes better with my personality.


Wait, maybe that's why people don't like me. Hahahaha. I think I will look at me instead of pointing at others. As the saying goes, you can only control how you handle things, not how others do.


I hope everyone has a very happy thanksgiving and really, don't feel sad for me. I wrote this with some humor, yes I want to be liked but if you don't that's your loss, not mine anymore.


Hugs and kisses kiddies!

Fun Facts About Moi

As I see other countries that view my blogs, I thought perhaps I should do a mini bio on me. Here we go:


I am a blonde haired, green eyed Mum of two beautiful sons. They are 18 and 22 and I worked very hard to conceive them. These were completely wanted hoodlums. I say hoodlums with extreme love.


My father passed away 3 years ago April and I never realized just how much you miss a parent. I don't wish that loss on anyone. I've lost grandparents and those were hard, but your parent is a completely different feeling.


My Dad was 100 % Ukrainian and my Mum is adopted so she always said she was a "Heinz 57 Mutt". My sibling and I are not ugly women so it all worked out . :)


I have worked various jobs from Dance Instructor, Receptionist, Retail Sales, and currently have been doing Auto Underwriting for 20 years.


I am not really super outgoing until I get to know people. I have always had a small "inner circle" but the last few years I made that larger, got burned and I am back to a small group of trusted friends.


I love hard and fierce and if I really care about you, I have a hard time letting that go even if you aren't the nicest to me afterwards. But once I am done, or over you and the situation, there is no coming back. You are basically dead to me. I don't wish you any harm, I just don't want to be around you.


I say I hate people and for the most part this is accurate. I don't understand how people can talk out of both sides of their mouths, say mean or hurtful things just because you don't like someone and I have no patience for bullies at all. If I have something to say about you, I have said it to you first. People are treated equally until you piss me off or F*ck me over. Then refer back to the previous comment and welcome to the Dead Zone.


I say I'm perfect, in jest, because my Mum would always say we were "PIEW" which if your parents didn't like you, you never heard, but means "Perfect In Every Way"...:) I have flaws like everyone, I have insecurities like everyone, well most everyone. I do know some people who have egos larger than the world, and good for them, but I'm not like that.


I enjoy traveling and seeing new cities, people and places. If it has a beach you don't have to ask me twice. I am a beach girl and will have my ashes spread into the ocean when I leave this world.


I love being sarcastic, funny, sardonic, and I think I'm a good person. I don't go out of my way to be a hag, but if you start it, I will finish it.


I have a beloved puppy named Gigi, and she is my heart, my love, my life partner. It's true, it even says it on my Facebook account.


I love all of you who take the time out of your busy lives to read my blogs. That gives me great joy.

Childhood Memories

I was just in an Employee Performance Review and retold a favorite memory, and thought, why not share? So here it is.


I consider Southern Florida my home, specifically North Palm Beach as that's where I lived from 10-17. They were wonderful, beach filled, country club filled years that I adored. In high school I swam for the North Palm Beach Country Club and also Suncoast High School. I remember not being able to drive yet, so that meant me and my two neighbors, David and Karen, who also swam, would have to ride our 10 speeds to the country club for practice 4 days a week. I think it was a 15-20 minute bike ride and then we practiced for 2 hours and rode home. Thinking about it now, it's no wonder I would woof down anything my Mum made for dinner. That's a lot of exercise and why I wasn't a rail is beyond me, but whatever.


The thought of letting either of my beloveds ride a bike that far and at night is horrifying and I wouldn't allow them to do it. But back then we were safe and it was the three of us, and who is going to hassle two teen girls and a boy, apparently, no one because we all lived into adulthood.


I recall our coach was kind of a hard arse and he pushed us, but we were tough and could take it. I know you all think 'Alana let someone push her around?' Yes, teen Alana was not the "I don't think so homey" she is today. I do recall mouthing off somewhat but I think that was more complaining how cold the pool water was in the cooler months. That's more Princessy type stuff and I'm really not a prissy girl, but I don't like cold water when it's cold outside either. And don't sit there and say Florida doesn't get cold in the winter months, I beg to differ with you. Especially if you grew up in that atmosphere. 50 or below is cold and to jump into a pool is even chillier, so shut it. :) At least the northern states had indoor pools to wade around in, we did not have this luxury.


I so enjoyed being a part of the country club though. Every Fourth of July they did their own fireworks and I just remember them being so spectacular. We would all go pooling during the day, go home and eat and come back with blankets and watch on the golf course. So much fun filled with  social interactions. It was like what subdivisions are now, that closeness you have and every one knowing who's kid you were etc. I know I sound like some 90 year old recalling his youth, but it really wasn't that long ago. More years than I want to admit to, but not like the 1800's.


Hope you all have fond memories of your childhoods that you share with your kids, friends, co workers and that they make you smile like I did.


Until we meet again, kiss kiss hug hug and tell the people in your life just how much they mean to you because tomorrow is never promised.

Creating our own destiny!

As I have blogged about before, I completely believe in karma, positive thoughts, believing in your gut and your own intuition.


I'm sure you have all heard of the book "The Secret" and others like it. The reason that book/video works and sold so much is because we all know this information, but I think sometimes we need another source to tell us it's ok to actually believe in it and practice it. I have had dreams and thoughts come to fruition. For example:




When I was trying to get pregnant I did what most of us do, prayed for a child. After a few years I had a dream and saw what Beloved #1 actually looked like. At the time we were living in Cali but the house I saw was the house we moved into when we moved to GA. I never saw the GA house until I drove up. . When I drove up to the house and saw my "dream" house, I knew I was going to have a child. And with infertility, a lot of the battle, is you get so obsessed with your cycles, and your diet and your moods etc, that it consumes your life, your relationships and sometimes your job. I had this feeling that it was going to be ok. I would be blessed and I was. And he did look just like my dream. When I was trying for Beloved #2, same thing. He didn't take as long to achieve. I was telling people at work I was pregnant and everyone kept saying how I looked like I was carrying a girl, much to my horror, I never wanted girls, anyway, that night I had a dream and B2 was shown to me. And again, he came out and looked just like my dream.


I firmly believe if we put our selves in a quiet zone where we focus on what it is we truly want, we can achieve it. It may not happen tomorrow or next week, but it will come to fruition. Some of my thoughts I know people would think I was cray cray if I ever shared, but my heart, gut and intuition, all tell me, it will happen. I know some of you are wondering, "but what if it doesn't happen?" Well, I try not to think negatively with regards to those thoughts, but if for some reason my wants don't appear there must be a very good reason. That's my story and I'm sticking to that reasoning. :)


People, life is short, as we all know, and if you have goals or dreams, get busy and make those happen. WE are in control of our own destiny no one else has the power, at least no one else should have the power. You take care of you, and do your best, and good things will happen. We all get a little down every now and then, just don't stay down. Get up, get focused and get what YOU want out of YOUR life.


Till we meet again, love you much, kiss kiss hug hug...Stay focused.

Do you remember???

18 years ago today I remember where I was when Princess Diana was killed. Do you?


I was 9 months pregnant and I had the pregnancy insomnia. I had been up watching TV since about 1 am Eastern time. Back then there wasn't really anything on other than the 24 hour news channels so that's what I watching. All of the sudden 'BREAKING NEWS' alerted and they start talking about the car crash that the Princess was in. I gasped in horror, this is horrible news. No No No. Then a few minutes later they came back and said she had passed away. I cannot even begin to tell you the loss I felt.


Clearly, I never met Princess Di, however, we were  close in age and like her I had my 'heir and the spare'. We knew baby #2 was a boy. She had married an older man, so did I, she had a less than perfect marriage, so did I. She was a swimmer, so was I. She was a shy child, hard to believe, but so was I. She had the means to do things I wanted to do and still would love to do. She helped others and traveled the world educating people on various horrors of the world. She was caring, considerate, loving and above all, loved her beloved's more than life itself. As I sat there, talking to beloved #2 and patting my huge stomach, I cried for her, I cried for her sons. I couldn't imagine the pain they were having to bear at such a young age. Even now it's heartbreaking to think of.


I'm sure that Princess Diana is quite proud of her sons and thankfully Prince Charles redeemed himself with her passing. It appears he has stepped up and became the father they needed.


Life really is that short people. As I stated in my last blog about my friend, you just never know when your last day, minute, second really is. Please be nice to others, and yourself. We all have bad days, but remember, so does everyone else.


Kiss Kiss Hug Hug....smooches.

Suicide

I found out today that a most beloved friend, attempted to leave this world nearly a month ago. I cannot begin to tell you how devastated I am for me, his other friends and of course his poor family. He and I had discussed cutting out of here and we had a pact that if we ever felt that low, we would reach out no matter what time of day/night, we were there for each other. He made me promise to contact him if ever I found myself that despondent to living. Even though he didn't reach out to me, I feel as if I let him down.


Brian was the man who made me realize how miserable I was in my own marriage and gave me the courage to leave once and for all. I had toyed with the idea over the years but my ex was such a control freak that I knew it would take an army to get out. Brian gave me that oomph that I needed to see I was slowly dying within the marriage. We have been close friends ever since, and that's about 16 years now.


Brian was recently going through a divorce and the last communication we had was him telling me that he had moved into a new loft and giving me all the specs of the place. I now realize that his attempt to leave was a few days later. I knew what moving out and being all alone was about. When I divorced I left the house and moved into an apartment and it was the loneliest feeling ever. A one bedroom apartment after a 3 bedroom/2 bath house, was so revealing. When my kids weren't there I hated being there alone. It was small, dismal and very depressing. So when he told me he had moved I tried to talk up the benefits of being alone. I didn't want him to go through what I did. Clearly his was more lonely that I anticipated. When he left his house he left the step kids and his beloved dogs. I think if he had at least one of the dogs, he may have been able to weather the horrific feeling that overcame him that night.


I know we all have our highs and lows, some people don't get 'check out of dodge' low, but we all have our lonely periods. Thus why I got my beloved puppy, Gigi. Since they straightened out my hormones, I  am good. I don't think guys have the same kind of hormonal imbalance we lovely ladies endure at times.


All day I have done nothing but thought about Brian and his other friends and his poor mother. I can't even imagine how she is coping. But we Mom's are pretty strong when we have to be. He will have a very long road ahead of him to getting back to somewhat of a normal life, if that's even possible. I'm told that they still aren't clear just how much brain damage he may have incurred but he is having to relearn everything. That can't be a fun ride. I will pray for his family and for him that he does beat these crazy odds and comes back out on top. Knowing this guy, if anyone can do it, he has all the tools. He's amazing like that.


Till we meet again people, if you think about someone, tell them, if you worry about someone, tell them, if you need someone, TELL THEM. I knew something was wrong as Brian and I talked weekly and I couldn't get a hold of him but I just hoped he was that busy. Luckily an even better friend knew where he lived and when he couldn't reach him called the police and thus our Brian is still with us. Life really is that short and will pass or end in no time. Don't hesitate to let people know how you really feel, if you care about them. The worst that will happen is they will tell you "you are needy" or "give them a break". I'll take that over the alternative.

Things that annoy me part 3

1. People who don't know what side to walk on anywhere. Example: I'm passing you in a hallway, I'm on the right side (which is correct) you are walking towards me straight ahead, as we approach you need to move to your right (which is correct) so that we pass freely not crash in to each other bc you are too stupid to move.


2. People who pee on the toilet seat. There is generally seat covers in most facilities, USE THEM.


3. People who stand in front of my desk and talk bullshit with another while the rest of us are trying to work.


4. Arseholes who don't know how to drive or think they are the only person on the road.


5. People who bring up shiz that happened a year or 5 years ago and won't let it go. It happened we all moved on, why can't you?


6. Team meetings.


7. Guys who hit on you either through Facebook, or in public, and have girlfriends, spouses or the like.


8. People who stand in front of an escalator or elevator that have no intention of using said moving stair/box and don't move and couldn't care less you are trying to discretely stumble around them.


9. Dumbarses


10. Haters


And yes, I have taken my Xanax today, about 20 minutes ago. Thanks for asking. hahahahah. Until we meet again, kiss kiss, hug hug.

Relationship Issues

When I first met my now ex-husband, he brought these weird arse "rules" he thought I should adhere to. I will say as a young, naïve 21 year old, I did do a lot of them....until I didn't. He thought when he went to bed, I needed to join him. As in, I can't stay downstairs and watch tv or read or whatever else I felt like doing if he was going to bed. Yeah, I thought it was stupid as well. He soon got over that demand. Idiot. Another of his relationship rules was we could never go on vacay without the other. Uh, excuse me? We never did either. As much as I would tell him to go and see his family, without me, it never happened. Ugh. How about I was never "allowed" yes you read that right, to go out without him. When a friend wanted to meet for drinks or go dancing that wasn't going to happen. And you get to a point in a relationship where you "pick your battles" just like when you raise your kids.


When my sister reached bar age he would give me a lecture about going out with her, without him. It just got to be such a hassle that I stopped telling her I would go. Then when I finally had had enough of the relationship, the rules, the lectures, and I said "I'm out", what does he do? Tells me I can go out with my friends, or sister or whomever, he realizes that I need that. If you know me, you know that "telling" me I can do something, is a deal breaker. I don't need anyone telling me what I can do.


Even when I was younger being told what to do would make me flip like a Shamu. How dare anyone tell me what I can and can't do. Who the hell are you? Even my parents never got away with that. My Mum finally got wise and started using psychology and said things in a way that I didn't take offense to. My Dad never really told not to do anything. I was a perfect child, as I am in adulthood, so there was no guiding this Princess. hahahahahah


I have married friends and their husbands are so cool and if they don't feel like meeting up with us, they encourage their spouse to come. I also have friends who have relationships where it's just easier to stay home bc their other either mopes about it, or gives the stupidest reasons for not letting them go. And that's ok for them. Not my relationship, and I'm not judging them. Just creating a post.


For me, I will never again be in a relationship where I have to ask permission, or get approval to do something or go anywhere. I do however, give the respect of telling my other what I want to do to see if there are plans in the works. That, I have zero problem with. That's just a respectful thing to do, in my opinion. But I should never be afraid to ask if I can go meet Stephanie or hit the beach with Susan if that's what I choose to do.


Hope all is having a fabulous week. Kisses!

If you're male, you should never be caught dead wearing these items.

As with all of my posts, these are my personal comments, likes, dislikes and pet peeves. You don't have to agree, I allow you to have your own opinion. I'm flexible that way. :)


1. JESUS shoes, OMG, no, nada, never, not even on a dare, EVER wear these out. Save yourself and don't even purchase them. If a female buys them for you she is marking her territory. No woman likes these shoes on men, even his Mum Mary was all "oh sweetie, are you SURE you want to wear those?"


2. Net tank tops. It was funny in the 80's if you were thin and gay, now it's just sad and I don't care if you are the Rock, stay away from netting period.


3. Bike shorts. Unless you are in the Tour De France, no bueno.


4. Toe rings, just don't, please?


5. If you have a furry chest, DO NOT wear a tank top. No one wants to see the beast you contain under your day to day wear.


6. Speedos. My Dad was a huge Speedo wearer, but he could get away with it. Unless you are swimming for your country, keep to the board shorts.


7. Capri pants. Just wear shorts dude. Come on. Don't make people want to throw things at you.


8. Face tattoos. Why hide your beauty with ink. Save it for the arms, legs, chest, back etc.


9. Ratty, torn up, dirty underwear. Your Mum will thank you if you are ever brought into the ER. She won't have to hide her face in shame.


10. Crochet sweater vests. That says it all. If you have to ask, I will have to slap you.


Until we blog again, hug hug kiss kiss. Smooches.

Things I Hate Part Deux

I know I am not alone with some of these, but here we go:


1. Liars, not just really bad ones, but good liars too.


2. People who are cruel to animals. Special hell for those scumbags.


3. People who come to work early and then just stand around and talk for 30 minutes. No one wants to listen to you, sit the F*ck down and shut the hell up!


4. Playa's, or players or whatever else they go by. No one needs them, no one wants them and I don't know why anyone would want to be one.


5. Fake people. You know those friends who are always saying "oh we should get together" and then never want to.


6. People who prey on children and the elderly. No bueno on any level.


7. Backstabbers. These are people/co workers you thought were your friends and turns out they aren't.


8. Disrespectful people. There is nothing worse than going out to eat and one of your people is rude to the wait staff or the hostess etc.


9. People who stare at you for no reason. You know what I'm talking about? You walk into the bathroom and they just burn a hole in your body? Or you're walking into a place and a couple just watches you come up from the parking lot and stares at you and if you're me, you're asking yourself, ummm do I have a boob out or what? (Actually I just chalk that up to these people have never seen a real live Princess so they are in awe when I approach, that's the only reasonable answer I can come up with)


10. People, just all kinds of people. Ugh. But I love my kitties and my puppy and my kids. I would die for all of them.

I LOVE constant complainers....NOT

Look, we all have things that frustrate us, or annoy us from time to time but when your whole life consists of complaining about this or that? It's time to get a new life....literally. We all have days where we hate our jobs, our girlfriends/boyfriends/spouse etc, but if a friend tells you "Hope you have a great week" or "great day" and you come back with "I worked all week" ok AND? I worked all week too and you don't see me constantly complaining about it. IT'S CALLED LIFE! Deal with it.


I have known people in the past who have been Debby Downers. They don't like their job because they feel like a "trained monkey" ok, you work maybe 4 hours a week, STFU. You get paid stupid money for your job, um, let me be a trained monkey for that price. You travel the world, and have n o t h I n g you have to do during the week, I think you can just be quiet. If you don't want to be the trained monkey anymore, cut your hair, and get a different job. Then let's see how you like working like the rest of us do with a minimum of 40 hours per week.


If you don't like your sales job and have been doing it for 30+ years, do something else. Just because you are good at it doesn't make you a slave to it. If you are not happy, then why continue with it? Money is not everything, I know to some people it is, but finding happiness is a  much better way to live and love.


If you aren't happy with your current partner but feel stuck or obligated to stay. No, I don't accept that. I was with my ex for 15 years and had 2 kids, I got out you can too. It wasn't easy but thankfully I had my parents for financial help. I had friends for mental help. You can change your status, your position, your hair, your weight your everything.


YOU are the ONLY one who can change YOUR LIFE. Do you want to be 90 years old and wonder what if? Or do you want to be the person who can say I tried, I did the best I could?


Again, I know we all have our beefs periodically, but these beefs shouldn't be everyday. If they are,  there's a problem and I cant fix it for you, only YOU can rectify the situation. Just do it and find your happiness....It's worth it, I promise.


kiss kiss hug hug

Dating...bleck

 I had a date last Friday with a guy I have met several times but didn't really talk to until last week. When you meet someone out, and if you're like me, you have had an adult beverage or 2 you are more relaxed and inviting to chat with someone. If a dude comes up and tries to talk with me while I've not been drinking I usually just stare at him until I'm finally bored enough to say "Do I know you?" or in one instance "Why are you here?" Yes I know, it could be construed as rude or impolite but if you invade my personal space and I don't want you there, I can't be held accountable. I'm fairly certain Johnny Cochran has made that argument stick, I know somebody has. :)






Anyhoo, so dude was quite attentive all week with calling and texting etc. Sometimes a little too much sexual innuendo but I would either ignore or call him out on it. Here's a HUGE pet peeve, if I barely know you and have not spent at least a few hours of one on one time, do not ask me if I miss you. My answer is always going to be no. I can't miss someone I  A) don't know, or B) have never been around.  I mean seriously? If that is written in the Players handbook, don't use it. This is my helpful hint to all of you.


 Because both of us were busy with work, my kids/plans already made, we opted for lunch. Love this date. That way if it doesn't go well you can high tail it out of there after the meal. Like STAT. I will admit to being a tad shallow when he showed up I thought "hmmm, he looked better the other night" but you know he could have said the same thing about me. BAHAHAHAH who am I kidding? I always look good, I may be fluffy but at least I'm attractive. Anyway.....he was late, but he did tell me he would be. That didn't bother me.


He shows up and we talk and it's all good. I had to be somewhere in a few hours so we couldn't do a movie or hang out for long, but he wanted to show off his new bathroom and play his drums for me. I'm down, love the drums. I ask him if his drums are in the bedroom, because then I would have to decline, he assures me they are in the basement and I wonder to myself if that is worse. What if he has it padded and no one could hear me screaming for help? I mean you never know what people are REALLY like until you do. I will say this, dude did have manners, always a plus, and he could play some drums. So I have nothing negative to say about that.


He played a few songs, all that I liked so he has good taste in music and no he didn't play any Bon Jovi, but you know, not everyone is perfect. Then he pops in a movie and we watch "My Cousin Vinny" haven't seen that movie in years, but always hilarious. Mid movie he kissed me and it was nice, I mean I wasn't repelled which is always a good sign. I get up to leave after a while, and he walks me out to my car and kissed me again saying something like "talk to you later babe". And guess what? Yeah, never happened. But again, that's ok. Apparently, he wasn't that into to me and that's his right. He may be an idiot, but at least I found out before spending quality time and years. hahahahaha


Hugs hugs kiss kiss my friends, hope everyone is doing well.

Do you ever wonder....

If the reason there is drama or strife, occasionally in your life, that you are the catalyst for it? Stay with me now:


So I had a best guy friend and last year he stopped talking to me. The reason I found out, was because I started drama and was rude and or difficult to his other friends. Now, at the time I was taken shocked because I never want to be the one people think starts drama. I don't care for drama and I don't gossip about others and when people tell me things I don't tell everyone else. But I recently had a falling out with another friend because I found out she was talking to other friends about me and when I asked her a specific question about a situation she told me a completely different answer than another friend. I have always stated that if I cant trust you, then I cant be friends with you. I know this seems harsh, or unreasonable but I don't think it's too much to ask that my inner circle be trust worthy, sorry, it shouldn't even be a thought.


I will cop to being less than friendly with other people.  I cant hide my feelings, so if I don't like you, it's very obvious. Again, sorry, but as Lady Gaga says "I was born this way". My face gives me away and I generally try to just stay away from you or ignore you. It's not me being rude it's my way of being nice to you by keeping my distance.


But with these situations it's had me pondering if I have invited this behavior. I try to be very Zen like and  firmly believe everything happens for a reason, completely believe in karma and try to maintain being a good hearted person (what little heart I have left) and do right by others and reach out to those I think may be having a hard time or just need a little virtual hug.  I think any of my current friends and ex friends would tell you that I am a damn great friend in that respect. I just try to be there for my people, it was how I was raised.


Having said all that, am I delusional, and I know I have been in the past with other relationships but this is different. Do I really not practice what I preach? Am I a hypocrite? Am I just as gossipy or butt my nose where it doesn't belong girl? Rest assured I will look inward to correct that and come out on the other side even more enlightened.


As always, thank you for reading and kiss kiss hug hug.. Till we meet again.

Frenemies

When I left high school, I thought that would be the end of the back stabbing friend. I didn't really have any of those in high school, thankfully, but as I have aged I seem to gather them in my group. This must be why I normally had more guy friends then lady friends, dudes aren't big gossipers.  Some have been friends from other friends, and some have been significant others to my friends. Bottom line is they are never welcomed or needed.


I totally understand if you do something thinking, key word here is 'thinking' that you are doing a good thing. It rarely ever transpires into a helpful course of action though. All it does do is piss the person you thought you were helping out, and if there is more than one person connected to the issue, you've either lost them as a friend or you have annoyed them and made them feel betrayed.


We are all adults in this stage of the game, if you don't have anything else to focus on other than what friend likes what friend or betraying confidences of another friend, then get a frickin hobby. Pick up a second job or even a first if you don't currently have one. Do something other than gossip with other people in our group.


If I cant trust you, I cant have you around. And if I asked you point blank if you did or said something and you tell me no or give me another story, then I have two words for you BYE FELICIA.


Short and sweet, until we meet again, Kiss Kiss Hug Hug.

I love vacay

Is there anybody out there who doesn't love a good vacay? Or even a stacay as long as you don't have to go to work, isn't that pleasant enough? I do like my job but if I had a choice of sitting on the beach, or traveling or taking a cruise, work will lose every time.


I just came back from a delightful beach trip to San Destin, FL. Anytime I can get "home" I'm a happy girl. My college friend and her husband have a trailer, which was very nice I must say, and they got a spot on the beach. It could not have been more perfect. The employees were super helpful and nice, the people we met who also had trailers, motor homes, camping trailers, pop up's, were so friendly and chatty. Now I'm normally not that chatty, however, as I get older I have become more so. It usually helps if I'm holding a cocktail but you know.


Of course the beloved puppy Gigi accompanied me while the kit ties stayed home. Packing for Gigi reminded me of when I packed for the beloveds for a get away. Anyhoo, Gigi is the perfect little traveler. She has her 'car' bed she sits in, on the front seat naturally, and looks at me or just plays with her toys and then falls asleep. We stop for both of us to pee and she jumps to the grass and does her little sniffing and back in the car we are without a sound.


While at the campground they had a spot designated for the dogs in the area. Gigi wasn't too thrilled initially but at the end of the trip she was excited to get to it. I could have made money charging all the people who wanted to pet her and talk to her. She was somewhat of a little hooka though, every time someone would start to pet her she flipped on her back like she was wearing a thong and pasties. Ah, my sweet baby.....


The last day I was on the beach alone for a bit and it was really hot that day and the group next to us had tailgating tents up. I asked the AL fans if I could sit under their tent and read for a little while and the father of the group asked if my gator friend would be offended if I did so. I explained to him that I was in fact the gator and had just switched hats, thus his confusion. Also, P.S. Susan, my friend, and I look nothing alike. She is dark haired and short and I'm blonde and taller but hey grandpa, you are a Roll Tide fan soooooo.....:)\


I hope everyone gets away this summer or just gets away from work and enjoys some down time. Until we meet again peeps, kiss kiss and big hugs.

Disappointment....

I don't care what age you are, disappointment never gets easier. As early as childhood when say you wanted to go play at a friend's house and you couldn't for whatever reason, you felt disappointed. I remember growing up and people would say things about others or do things that weren't very kind to others, and all involved would be hurt, confused and again disappointed. That feeling is one of the more hurtful feelings one can endure.


As you grow older your reasons for being disappointed with someone, a situation, an inanimate object all change, but your feelings never do. With disappointment or betrayal it all hurts the same. You watch the news and you are disappointed in the world, our culture, our people as a whole and it's the same hurt, the same wondering of why.


I always say how much I hate people, which my Mother loathes, but sorry, disappointment is one of those reasons. I let someone in and get close enough for me to care about them, their lives, kids, animals, other friends etc and then disappointment hits. Recently I was told that I bring drama, and hate and other fabulous feelings and this is why we were no longer friends. Ok, I can accept some of that blame, but I refuse to take it all. I have always said out loud, if I don't like someone, I cannot hide my feelings, never have and sorry, but at 900 years old, it doesn't look good for that to change now. If I have to lose more friends because they have sided with another friend, then so be it. I will never ask people to choose one friend over the other, but know that if you speak of this friend, I will not add to the conversation unless I stick up for them. But I wont be adding to the fire with more comments because then it gets back to others and I'm the bad guy.


Life is hard enough as it is without people adding their two cents to others friend relationships. We all know this but sometimes we get so invested in a person and we care so deeply for them and don't want to see them get hurt it backfires on us. Lesson learned. Keep your most intimate feelings to yourself. .


Happy Monday to all.

You know you suck as a parent when......

I love my children, adore them even and spent many years, tears and money trying to have them but it doesn't matter how much you want a child sometimes you just have to face the fact that as hard as you tried to be everything you thought was a good parent, you fail. I have come to that bridge with mine. My sons are older and one is even technically, an adult, with the 'baby' only 5 months behind being an adult as well. My bestie had her first this past October and I remember all those baby days, then the toddler years, the snarky teen years, which I don't foresee mine ever growing out of, cant imagine why, and now adult years. This past Mother's Day I realized just how little my kids want to spend time with me. And don't sit there and read this and go 'Oh poor Alana' that's not what I'm looking for here. Just writing down my thoughts.....


When the divorce first happened, my youngest was barely two so he has never known living with both his parents whereas my older child was 7 and very aware of what was happening. He was and still is Team Dad, and my youngest was Team Mum, and that's ok. Even if the family stayed together I believe it would still be that way. Skyler and I not only look alike but we are too much alike and butt heads from time to time, where Spencer and I just flow together with each other, not at each other. We had equal time with the kids in the beginning. I had two days and every other weekend and he had the same. As Skyler got older he didn't want to spend the weekends with me so he stayed with his father, I fought it originally, but I realized if that's what he wants, then that's what I would give him. He still came over the week nights  and we still did things like vacay's or moovies or whatever else I had planned.


Spencer on the other hand never wanted to leave me. So even on my off days, I would keep him and in the summer every weekend he would stay. I loved it because I knew one day all of that would end and he would get a life and want to stay more with his brother and be there. Middle school that day came. Again, I was ok with it as long as that made him happy. To this day they still both come over for dinners on 'my' nights and still alternate the holidays as it was written, and it works out well. Instead of me going out every other weekend it was changed to being able to meet up with my friends every weekend if wanted.


A few weeks ago Spencer was after school rehearsing for his awesome character Lurch so he didn't make it to my house for dinners but Skyler would roll over. I should've just stood at the end of the driveway and held a to go bag because he came in ate and then immediately left. Great seeing you too, thanks for carving a huge 15 minutes out of your day to hang with me.


Mother's Day was almost as quick. Spencer has always given me something, either a cookie cake, or flowers or a gift, Skyler's comments are either "that's from both of us" or "you have me, that's your gift". Spencer however, always states the gifts are solely from him as he paid and went to get whatever it was I received. They did pick me up and take me to lunch. When lunch was done it was like 'get out of the car as fast as you can lady' because I got hugs and then I turned to wave and poof, they were gone. It made me realize that I am not the Mum I thought I was. They love me because they have to, but they don't like me. If they did like me they would want to spend time with me. At least that's what I do when I like people, spend time with them. And I don't see myself as the annoying mother no one wants to be around.


Obviously, I have to work on that, but I can only do so much. I feel like I've been working to repair my relationship with Skyler since the divorce, I know he blames me, even though they both can see why I wanted out of the marriage. There is only so much a person can do to try to get another person to understand or care about it. It doesn't matter if it's a friend, lover or in my case my own flesh and blood. I just know each night I pray that I can somehow be a better Mum than I was today.


I know some parents understand how I feel. And if you don't then that means, you are doing a fantastic job and your kids like you as well as love you. I salute you and I'm envious.


Till the next time, hug hug, kiss kiss. And thank you for reading.

My new Puppy

As many of my local peeps know I have been wanting a French Bulldog for almost 2 years. This past weekend I finally got one. Her name is Princess Gigi Buttercup and she is now 11 weeks old. Like any new Mum, she is absolutely beautiful, smart, brilliant etc. She is cream and white with a white streak down her head to her pushed in nose. Meep. She is so fantastic that I created her very own FB page, because why wouldn't I? Who am I to deny the world her amazingness?


This week was filled with house training and introducing her to her feline brother and sister and her human brothers. I looked at adopting rescue's but a lot of them were 'no cats' and since I used to babysit an adult Frenchie and saw how he would try to eat the cats, I figured a puppy would be the best bet. I was correct! Gigi's breeder had a cat so she is so not interested in chasing them to eat them or bite them. She runs after them to play and they look at me like WTF Mum? But she's a complete angel and like her Mum and most of her aunts, she loves the sun. Every time we go out she does her business and lays in the sun. She is perfect. In a few weeks we are traveling down to FL for a beach trip. Frenchie's are not really fans of the heat but I'm not throwing her on the beach at noon to bake, so no worries my PETA friends. Not to mention, I will be going to get her a hat and sunglasses, DUH.


I look forward to watching her grow and learn each day. And you know how funny and interesting pets are.

Pride

When I was growing up I swam for the high school and our country club. And like a good Mum, mine was in the stands every time. Dad rarely came as being in the dance business, nights were when people came in for lessons. I understood. If I had meets on the weekends, he would be there and then go play his 18 holes of golf. I always knew for any event that I had, my units would be there. When I was in high school I also was in the chorus, and my Mum hiked her cookies to the mall, or the school to be there for me. I was just a run of the mill singer, Mum was actually quite known for her pipes when she was younger. She would sing all over her home town.


When beloved #1 told me he wanted to be on TV, I said ok. I mean, he was so cute as a toddler who was I to deny the world his talent? I took him in for modeling and the agent told me he had so much personality she wanted to use him for acting. Uh, ok, I had no idea he was that outgoing or had that many expressions until I saw the tape for his audition. WOW is all I will say. First gig out of the gate he landed the Scottish Rite merge and is now known as Children's Hospital of Atlanta. He did TV and voice on the radio. AND it was a union job so he got his SAG card, all at the tender age of 3 1/2. He would do talent shows with his agent and her other clients and every time I would see him on stage I would tear up, I am just thinking about the memory of it. I was never the gooey, crying type until I had kids and even then it was only if my kids were involved. No sobbing at the Hallmark or Kodak commercials, however, I will admit that the Clydesdale ads do get me from time to time.


As beloved #1 got older he decided he didn't want to 'work' anymore and so he joined the band in middle school and then theatre in high school. His father, now divorced, and I would go to the performances, and my parents would drive down from Chattanooga to also attend. When his aunt was available she too would go. As the years progressed I would invite my close peeps to come see the wonder of Skyler and his talent. His Junior year he played this Psychiatrist and won a Best Supporting Actor, Oscar. I was so proud and that role was written for him. I mean this guy was sarcastic, brilliant, funny and just hilarious. His one line  was the best part of  the whole play. (No really, I didn't make that up like a proud Mum, ask anyone).


Now beloved #2 is in his Junior year of high school and he too did the band in middle school and now does the acting in high school. Last year they did a production of "The Little Mermaid" and Spencer played Chef Louie, and by God, he nailed it. He had the accent, the mannerisms and again I heard, "he stole the show". And like any good Mum I beamed and was beyond proud. Tonight Spencer is playing Lurch in "The Addams Family" production and I cannot wait to see him. He gets to sing a song and basically just grunt the whole show prior to his song. I asked if he knew his lines. Hee Hee, yeah, I'm witty like that. I could not be more prouder of either son and their actions and going after what they love doing. So many, including me, don't know what their passion is, they do.


And by the way, I did not bestow any talents on them, except maybe musically, but that I still concede comes from their Grandmum. I just gave them life, by way of being gutted, but you've heard that story before. :)

In my mind

Summer is here! This past weekend my pool peeps and I all got together to christen another Summer season. ahhhhhhhhhh. It was heavenly. Because the water still had a chill to it, we didn't swim but we did lay out. All of us were glistening with sunscreen and sun's kisses. It was divine actually. We had Trilla, and it was their pool, then we had Kashew, and Michelle and her friend and Candace and I. Candace and I were the first to arrive and we got the table cleaned up and set the food in the fridge and then we cracked open a cold one. Me an energy drink and her an adult beverage. The 3 other couples followed shortly there after.


By then it was really warm outside and two of the ladies stripped down to their bikini's bc they can rock those b*tches. The rest of us stayed in our clothes. I wore shorts and a tank so I was able to get tanned on my arms and legs and face. It was just pure delight. Being a FL girl, I love the beach but since I'm too far to drive to that each weekend, we do the pool, and that's ok. This particular pool is 5 minutes away from my house, so I love it even more. Plus this pool is where I met my Buford Shore, Matthew and Keith. It brings back fond memories for me as well. I was telling Candace how I met both of them and what fun we had a few years ago.


We all brought food to cook out and then we brought sides to share. The grill was a coal one so it took forever to heat up. Safe to say some people had baked potato al dente, if you know what I mean.


I cannot wait for this weekend and then subsequent weekends until Septemberish. Where more shenanigans, drinks, and food, and always big laughs will ensue. God bless the Summer and God Bless the pool we get to surround. I almost feel as giddy as Clark Griswald when he gets his Christmas lights all aglow. Thank you, thank you, thank you Universe for the great people I get to spend my weekends with.


Till we meet again, kiss kiss, hug hug. Muah!

Spring Brings All Things New....Right?

Is anybody else excited that Spring is finally here? My pool peeps and I have been doing the countdown for months. I love Winter and all the fun it brings, but this year we experienced cold with not a lot of snow. For me, if I'm going to freeze my booty off, at least throw this Princess some flipping snow. Make it worth my while, but oh noooo, we only got a sprinkling of snow flurries this year and I say "bah humbug!"......

Being in the lovely South, Spring brings in the bestest allergens ever, said no one. I take an antihistamine daily for my fur, dust, dander, grass, hickory and anything else you want to throw in there allergies, but some of my friends don't need that medication year round and some got caught with snuffy noses or runny noses or just plain sinus issues. All of which, are some fun things to deal with.

Spring is a renewing of the trees, flowers, animal babies and our sunny disposition for the pool/lake/beach. My group and I are already planning an outing. We are going to have sun, fun, food, good times maybe an adult beverage for those who drink and great belly laughs. Our pool days are well thought out events. The pool gets credit for bringing us all together again on the weekends. We can catch up, for those who have not seen each other since the warmer weather, and we can sit on decks and enjoy the views, the convo's and the people watching. Sometimes I'm sure, we are the entertainment for others especially when Matthew gets going on some tirade and then Thrilla, the big, quiet one, finally has enough and tells Matthew to just 'shut the hell up!' Hee hee.

Just that image is making me smile and laugh because you listen and shake your heads in disbelief of what is being said or you agree and take it to another level all the while enjoying a cold one and the pool.

That's what Spring is to me....Happy Easter everyone...Kiss Kiss Hug Hug...Muah

Musings part deux

Do you notice that as you age you either are more tolerant or less tolerant of things in general? Let me explain. When I was younger, I could go from 0-50 in less than a minute in anger. I had no patience and even then, I had no tolerance for dumb arse drivers, as you know, that hasn't and probably will never change. Once my beloveds were born I had so much patience, and when I say 'so much' when you had none to begin with "so much" is a lot. I didn't like their dickhead friends, but I faked it. There are still very few children I do like much less adore, so if yours is one, you should feel honored, and I'm not joking, I'm dead serious.

Now that I'm 900+ years I really have no tolerance for stupidity, rudeness, back stabbing, fire starters, pot stirrers, etc. Once I find out that's what you are, or have been doing, ciao. I may not delete you from FB, but I won't be asking to hang with you either. If we were doing things and we aren't now, look inward.

I was having issues with energy, depression and other lovely ailments, but now that I am back to being me, I really do not want to spend time with people who annoy me, or do nothing but brag about themselves, or people who really, don't want to be true friends. That's cool! I have never been one who could fake my feelings one way or the other, and I still can't/don't/won't. As Dana Carvey would say when he imitated Pres Bush Sr, "Not gonna do it!" and you know why? Because I don't have to. Why would any of us keep people who are toxic, or backstabbing or just plain and simple, do not have our best interests at heart? There is no reason, quite honestly. It's not a healthy way to live and it's exhausting to pretend. Bleck.

When you meet me, you can see that the person you read on FB is the very same person standing in front of you. I have no filter, and I don't lie AND I'm not fake. I may spill about my personal life after an adult beverage or 4, but I will never spill your secrets. What you see is literally, what you are getting. Sarcastic, funny, protective, supportive, human and if I count you in my "inner circle" you should feel blessed because it does take a lot to get in there. Lately, it hasn't taken much to be removed from there either.

Bottom line kids, life is too short to not be happy and listen to your own inner monologue. Who knows you better than you? No one, just be opened to listening and you will find your happy.

Kiss Kiss Hug Hug and a special MUAH

Cynical or Reality...that is the question

After 9/11 I stopped watching the nightly news. My beloved's were still young and I wanted to live in the fantasy world similar to being at Disney World. Everything was lovely, fun, safe, sunshiney, sparkly, clean, and no one was wronged, hurt or deceived....Yeah well, like I said, a fantasy world.

In my 900 years of roaming this earth, I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly in people. I myself try to stay on the good path, but I have had times of being Evil Princess and I know it. The only difference is I own it, others just like to pretend they are good all the while plotting to get by with something or over someone. One of the ways I try to remain on my good path is by believing in karma. Both my kids have known what karma was since they were very young. You hit your brother, friend, dog etc, bad things will come back to you. I think it's one of the reasons why both my sons are caring, selfless, and always eager to help others, they know that it's not only the right thing to do, but somewhere down the line, someone will help you when needed. I stand firm in my belief there is nothing wrong with that thinking.

My Mum being a nurse, which as you know, is the epitome of a helping person. Good lord these people in the medical field go into that job with the idea of helping others and taking care of them.  God love them, lord knows I would kill people since I am so not a people person. I can't deal with whiny complainers, and add an infectious disease or two, ah hell naw, I am so out of there. Thus, why I am not a nurse or anything close to that type of profession. I still find a fascination with Psychology but that's because I like to try and understand the thought process of people and what makes them delusional, deceitful or just down right bonkers.

It's day 29 of the new year and I am still struggling to find my passion, the one thing that I want to do to sustain myself and my kids, cats, and piggies. I need to find my purpose and leave a mark in this world. I don't want to pass away, one day in my car , from a heart attack like a recent co worker. I envy people who know they want to be rock stars, or poets or Miss USA, I mean, that's amazing. There are people I know who knew what they wanted to be since they were kids. That's a calling and beyond determination, to go through the many years of schooling and still you know you want to be a performer, or a doctor, lawyer etc. We all wanted to be rock stars when we were young, right? But how many actually make it? Actors are a dime a dozen, but the truly talented and right place at the right time people, make it happen. Perhaps I just need a good chokra cleansing to clear my mind and open my destiny.

Bottom line, its your life, your choice and your mindset that takes you where you need or want to go. Tap into and get on with it. Life really is too short for procrastination. Kiss Kiss Hug Hug

Office Etiquette

Come on people, we don't need a class on how to walk down the hallway, do we? It's just like driving. You are walking down the hallway, corridor, path etc. Someone approaches you, you should be walking on the right side, they should be walking on the right side so that when you come to meet up, everybody is walking on the right side and you pass each other with ease and no touching.

Apparently some of the arseholes I work with, don't know how to drive. I just came down the aisle and two guys were coming towards me walking side by side, what's the polite thing to do? One douche steps either behind or in front of his friend so they are single file, but what does this moron do? He comes at me face to face. I had to stop to let him go by, excuse me? What happened to letting ladies go by or protecting them from the street etc. Dude was babbling about some bs and if I hadn't been looking, he would have ran me over, even though he was looking right at me. Not like I was invisible asshat.

That's about as annoying as when you are at the store with a shopping cart, and two hags are cart to cart blocking the aisle so they can discuss whose kid is smarter. I just stand there and glare until one of them finally stops thinking the world revolves around her and notices they are blocking all of us sane people who are just trying to get some groceries. Another fun thing is when you are online for whatever and people try to worm their way in front of you. Yeah, not on my watch sugar lips. Get here in a timely fashion and you won't have to worry about being a rude bitch or dick, whichever gender you identify with.

I had a friend who hated people about as much as I do and I got him a tee that read "Don't Fuck With Me", I should have gotten two.

Kiss kiss grump grump

Ah the fun times we have on dates.....not

Sooooooooo, I met a guy Friday night, gave him my number, which I never do, texted with him Saturday and met for the first and only date Sunday. Let me give you some background. I didn't date for 7 years because at the time my beloved's were younger and my on again off again bf of 5 years and I broke up for good. I decided to focus on my sons and hang with my friends on the off weekends. I enjoyed that. I would meet my peeps on my 'single' weekends for dinner, plays, music, adult beverages, trips, moovies, etc. No muss, no fuss and certainly no heartbreak.

In the last few years my friends were encouraging me to start dating again. I wasn't really looking to do that, but after many lectures, I did branch out on some online dating sites and found either weirdos or just people I had no chemistry with. For me, I know instantly, if I am attracted to you. I don't need to spend more time, or find out more about them, it's either there or it's not. Which is why, when I do find someone that connects and I find attractive, it's hard to let go. But I always do if that's what needs to happen.

Back to this past weekend. Since I'm trying to defluff myself, my trainer suggested skipping beer due to the wheat, and have either wine or vodka drinks. Since all my 'pump you up' people drink vodka etc, I figured I would try that. Apparently, I have zero tolerance for vodka and became quite drunk fairly quickly. Who knew? Now we all do. So after my second vodka with soda water and a twist of lemon, my girls and I met this guy. We chatted and I laughed and my two girls disappeared leaving me to talk with him. Ok, no worries, I was in a safe environment. Somehow we exchanged numbers, and I say 'somehow' because I really don't know how it happened. Anyhoo, it did.

Michelle and I leave and hit our fave after bar place WH. During our breakfast, I get a text from this guy. Ok, a little fast but whatever, I didn't reply as it wasn't a question just a comment. Go to sleep and he had texted two more times. Oy. This is why I don't give my number out unless I really know someone. He texted throughout the day. I was hanging with my peeps Saturday and told him so and he was still asking me questions. Now, if someone tells me I'm hanging with someone, I get the message and stop communicating. I was having fun and catching up with friends, I didn't need this guy to continue to text me. So I stopped all together. The worse text was this "Thinking of you", YOU DON'T KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH for that line. I told my guys that I was with. and one said "Stage 4 clinger" yeah no shiz. I didn't reply to that and he continued to ask questions. Then he tells me he is out of work. No reply. Then he calls me, I didn't answer. Then he texts and asks if I'm still out watching the game. I should have just cancelled the date then, but I didn't bc my peeps are always telling me I don't give people a chance, ok well I did.

Sunday rolls around, I text him and tell him I received his voicemail and that I would see him at 6, our planned time to meet up. Dude comes in to this quiet restaurant and talks really loud. That's the only positive thing I can say about him. I never once had to ask him to repeat a question bc I couldn't hear him, in fact, I'm pretty sure the whole bar heard his convo. Ok, so he comes in and immediately goes in for a kiss. SAY WHAT? He gets the cheek and then he sits across from me and just stares and tells me how beautiful I am and how am I still single. Now, don't get all huffy and think I'm being a snot, but come on dude. You had told me numerous times via text, and once was enough in person. I'm not the girl who needs constant validation, I have a mirror, I know what I look like, I know what my friends tell me I look like, I got it. And what is one supposed to say if she doesn't feel the same you ask? "thank you, you are very kind" is what I said. So we do the general chit chat, and he grabs for my hands to hold them. Ummmm, yeah that's gonna be a no mister. My hands never left my lap afterwards. We leave and bonus, he doesn't want the date to end.. I check my watch thinking it was about my bedtime, but it had only been an hour since we got there. Sigh. I take him to the bookstore. As we walk over there he does the rub your back bs, I had had enough of his touchy feely shiz, and said, "I'm going to have to stop you right there, I'm not touchy feely." You think he got that not so  subtle hint? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....He still didn't get the message I wasn't feeling it when he walked me to my car and again went in for the kiss. Ugh. all I could think is I know I have not given off one iota of an interest towards you, what are you thinking?

Reason 2000 why I don't date. thanks for listening. Kiss Kiss Hug Hug