I don't know about you, but initially, when you meet people they put on their best face. Some never waiver from that while others show us their truth within a few months or even years.
About fourish years ago I met someone that I knew but never "knew". For a few months it was almost fairy tale behavior to the point that I believed this was who he truly was. Silly me. As he later told me, he has many sides. And quite honestly, it was my fault for not believing him. Because he had shown me the good I would refuse to comprehend that the other "sides" were the real person. Obviously, we never want to see the bad in people, at least I don't. I really try and focus on seeing the good in everything and everyone, especially if I have put trust in you.
When I first meet someone I can tell instantly whether I like them or not. Some I've had to be around more but this person, I told things on a first meeting that people I've know for 20 years didn't know. That's not generally the girl I am. I felt connected to him and he told me things that I didn't think everyone knew either, I could be wrong. When it came to him I was very naïve and saw with blinders. And that's ok, you want to see the positive in people even if it's fake. We need to believe everyone can and will be good until they aren't. But this is where I went very wrong, when I saw the other sides, I didn't walk away then.
Our relationship changed from the initial one but I always told myself there was that good part and that's where I was foolish. Over the years I had seen other things that I was shocked or dismayed by but I still tried to believe it wasn't the real him. Unfortunately, I was very ignorant in that thinking. This past year has shown me that the person I initially met cannot last because that façade cannot be sustained for a long period of time. I take full responsibility and when we would have conversations and he would say "I told you..." I should have really taken that to heart, not just think he was fabricating. When some things are shined with a spot light though, then you have to "see". The universe has had enough of me seeing him with rose colored glasses. Even if I thought I was seeing correctly.
I am not innocent in my actions towards him over this period of time either. I have run my mouth and said things that should have stayed silent but I was hurt and I tend to lash out. I've learned if I want to spew I need to keep it very close to the vest. Making comments about another doesn't put me in a glowing light and that's not the person I strive to be. So if people have either a "lesson, a lifetime or a reason" for being in your life I learned many lessons. But it's ok, no one died, and I'm in a good place with myself.
Until we meet again, hugs hugs kiss kiss and remember life is too short to waste it on people or things that don't make you happy or question yourself. Love yourself more than you do others. It's not selfish.
