Since I'm trying to let certain things go is making me spiral ever lower into depression, I've decided to vent here in hopes it will finally release me of my pain.
I HATE that you are a self centered, selfish twat who thinks everything is about you.
I HATE that my kids and Mum have to feel like they need to pick sides.
I HATE that you eat dinner with my ex husband who has treated me like shizz for 30+ years.
I HATE that whenever any of my friends asks about you I get mad and want to punch you in the face.
I HATE that I did nothing to you yet I feel like I did something wrong.
I HATE that you fly through life as if we all owe you a god damn thing.
I HATE that you were the one person I could tell everything to and I no longer have that.
I HATE that I cry when I think about you and the good times we did have.
I HATE that the holidays are coming up and my kids and our Mum are going to feel torn.
I FUCKING HATE YOU.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Monday, September 30, 2013
October 4, 1997
16 beautiful years ago today, I was blessed with my second reason for living. My beloved Spencer Daniel Leslie Tisland came into my world. He was a giant ball of baby fluff, he weighed in at 10.5 pounds and 22 inches long. Yes, he walked out of the hospital 4 days later.
Spencer was originally due October 3, but he decided to hold out for October 4. I'm guessing because he knew his brother was born on a Friday, so he wanted to be born on Saturday, rivalry starts young people. Because he was so large, and I was a big ball of HUGE, I was sleeping on the recliner and so my water breaks, which was new to me since with Skyler it didn't. What they don't tell you is that when it breaks it continues to leak. I thought once it broke that was it. Oh noooo, every contraction more gushed out. By the time we get to Northside Hospital I was soaking wet and walking in like I had just gotten off a horse. We get checked in and it's early morning. They get me all set up like before except this precious gift was head down and stayed head down so we didn't have any automatic C-section talk, like his stubborn brother. 14 1/2 hours later, I had pushed for 2 hours consecutively, and every time I did, I kept thinking, somethings wrong, I feel like I'm going to pop something. At one point my MD comes in and tells the midwife to cut back on my epidural because she doesn't think I can feel the contractions. If I could have come off the bed I would have strangled that little Indian hobbit. Every time I pushed Spencer he would come down and then pop right back up, I'm told this is not normal. Gee, really? So after my Mum goes and has a chat with the midwife they decide I've suffered enough and prep me for yet another C-section. At least I know what to expect this go around. We get into the OR and they are working their magic and up comes this gigantic baby. No, seriously, 10 1/2 pounds is a 3 month old people, he was just so chubby and round headed, he was beautiful. When they measure his head circumference it was 12 and I about choked and asked them "um, if I only dilate to 10, how the hell was he gonna come out?' RRREALLLYYY!!!!!!????
Thank GOD for C-sections, is all I could say. The best part was when the hobbit came into my room the next day, and my Mum and ex were there and she tells us that 'I should never have been pushing because of the cut from the last baby, I could have ruptured.' Now, my Mum is a nurse and when she heard this she came off the couch and ripped the hobbit a new one. Telling her how 'we could have lost the baby and her precious daughter.' Precious daughter would be me for those of you who know she has two daughters. :)....The convo I thought my Mum was going to kill someone was when my ex had the nerve to tell her 'I can't go through this again, that was just too brutal.' Mind you, he did nothing but hold my hand. Yeah, sounds tough for you big guy, let's gut you and see how 'brutal' that is. ;p
My son's and I have a unique numerical bond as well. I was born at 2:19 am, my first born was born on 2/19 at 10:04, and yes, if you paid attention you see Spencer was born ON 10/4. We are a tight knit group of Mum and sons. As I have stated here before, I would die, lie, cheat, kill, do anything for my sons. They are my heart, what's left of it, my soul and my body and no one can ever take that away. I thank the heavens for giving me such a sweet, kind, generous, compassionate child that is Spencer....Meep.
Spencer was originally due October 3, but he decided to hold out for October 4. I'm guessing because he knew his brother was born on a Friday, so he wanted to be born on Saturday, rivalry starts young people. Because he was so large, and I was a big ball of HUGE, I was sleeping on the recliner and so my water breaks, which was new to me since with Skyler it didn't. What they don't tell you is that when it breaks it continues to leak. I thought once it broke that was it. Oh noooo, every contraction more gushed out. By the time we get to Northside Hospital I was soaking wet and walking in like I had just gotten off a horse. We get checked in and it's early morning. They get me all set up like before except this precious gift was head down and stayed head down so we didn't have any automatic C-section talk, like his stubborn brother. 14 1/2 hours later, I had pushed for 2 hours consecutively, and every time I did, I kept thinking, somethings wrong, I feel like I'm going to pop something. At one point my MD comes in and tells the midwife to cut back on my epidural because she doesn't think I can feel the contractions. If I could have come off the bed I would have strangled that little Indian hobbit. Every time I pushed Spencer he would come down and then pop right back up, I'm told this is not normal. Gee, really? So after my Mum goes and has a chat with the midwife they decide I've suffered enough and prep me for yet another C-section. At least I know what to expect this go around. We get into the OR and they are working their magic and up comes this gigantic baby. No, seriously, 10 1/2 pounds is a 3 month old people, he was just so chubby and round headed, he was beautiful. When they measure his head circumference it was 12 and I about choked and asked them "um, if I only dilate to 10, how the hell was he gonna come out?' RRREALLLYYY!!!!!!????
Thank GOD for C-sections, is all I could say. The best part was when the hobbit came into my room the next day, and my Mum and ex were there and she tells us that 'I should never have been pushing because of the cut from the last baby, I could have ruptured.' Now, my Mum is a nurse and when she heard this she came off the couch and ripped the hobbit a new one. Telling her how 'we could have lost the baby and her precious daughter.' Precious daughter would be me for those of you who know she has two daughters. :)....The convo I thought my Mum was going to kill someone was when my ex had the nerve to tell her 'I can't go through this again, that was just too brutal.' Mind you, he did nothing but hold my hand. Yeah, sounds tough for you big guy, let's gut you and see how 'brutal' that is. ;p
My son's and I have a unique numerical bond as well. I was born at 2:19 am, my first born was born on 2/19 at 10:04, and yes, if you paid attention you see Spencer was born ON 10/4. We are a tight knit group of Mum and sons. As I have stated here before, I would die, lie, cheat, kill, do anything for my sons. They are my heart, what's left of it, my soul and my body and no one can ever take that away. I thank the heavens for giving me such a sweet, kind, generous, compassionate child that is Spencer....Meep.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Musings
In past blogs, I believe I've shared that I can be opinionated, sarcastic, brutally honest, hard working and on very rare occasions, sweet. Now my Mum would tell you that I am PIEW, which stands for "Perfect In Every Way", we heard this all the years we were growing up and still do to this day. I know, my Mum has been in denial for about 50 years. I would die for my boys but I'm not hoodwinked into telling people they are PIEW, pfft, I know better. They are my rays of sunshine, my sole reasons for living, but perfect? BAHAHAHAHAH, yeah, not happening. I will conceded they are quite close to being perfect to me though. Both are considerate, sarcastic, funny, brilliantly smart and thanks to me, good looking. hee hee, although I do think my Dad used to take credit for their looks. I give both my parents credit for my looks, I didn't make myself. :)
As I was saying. My boys are 4 1/2 years apart and for a long time, they were complete torture to raise. In the standpoint that they would argue incessantly, and anyone with kids knows what I mean. "He's touching me", "He's looking at me", "He took my toy/game/food". OMG. But now, Skyler is 20 and Spencer is 15. In the last few years, Skyler has really become a young adult who gets the whiny crap doesn't fly in the real world. He used to love to tattle on Spencer or talk down to him, but now he really is becoming that big brother that I always hoped he would be. He tries to impart his high school advice and naturally, Spencer's reply is usually "yeah, I'm not doing that" when Skyler tries to guide him into a smart move.
Like Skyler, in middle school Spencer played an instrument and then went into the Theatre club in high school. This was no easy feat for Spencer though. Skyler likes to tell us all that he was the youngest in the family to have a job, since he was 3 when he landed the Scottish Rite/Children's Hospital promotion. Straight out of the acting gate and he gets TV and Radio spots. I took him in for modeling because he was the cutest little kid ever, blond hair with dark blue eyes. I mean he was model material but due to his outgoing personality, which he didn't get from me, oh by the way, she wanted to use him for Acting and the next 7 years that's what he did. He did commercials for overseas and local TV. Then of course, he decided he wanted to quit that, so he "retired" at 10.
But now Spencer has entered the Acting ring and is also quite good. I never would have seen that coming when he was a toddler. Dude wouldn't leave my side until he was school aged. Spencer was 10 1/2 pounds at birth, and my happy arse was still carrying him up until he was 4. I did have some killer arm tone though, so there's a plus. Now my little "sack of taters" is 15 and I have to surf the net for size 14 shoes, seriously? I'm afraid he's not done growing, Skyler hit 6'2 at 16, and Spencer is already pushing 6'3, soooo. The up side? I don't have to carry him anymore and they are now my bouncers, my twin towers, when we go out. It's actually very nice and again, I'm thankful every day they are my beloveds.
As I was saying. My boys are 4 1/2 years apart and for a long time, they were complete torture to raise. In the standpoint that they would argue incessantly, and anyone with kids knows what I mean. "He's touching me", "He's looking at me", "He took my toy/game/food". OMG. But now, Skyler is 20 and Spencer is 15. In the last few years, Skyler has really become a young adult who gets the whiny crap doesn't fly in the real world. He used to love to tattle on Spencer or talk down to him, but now he really is becoming that big brother that I always hoped he would be. He tries to impart his high school advice and naturally, Spencer's reply is usually "yeah, I'm not doing that" when Skyler tries to guide him into a smart move.
Like Skyler, in middle school Spencer played an instrument and then went into the Theatre club in high school. This was no easy feat for Spencer though. Skyler likes to tell us all that he was the youngest in the family to have a job, since he was 3 when he landed the Scottish Rite/Children's Hospital promotion. Straight out of the acting gate and he gets TV and Radio spots. I took him in for modeling because he was the cutest little kid ever, blond hair with dark blue eyes. I mean he was model material but due to his outgoing personality, which he didn't get from me, oh by the way, she wanted to use him for Acting and the next 7 years that's what he did. He did commercials for overseas and local TV. Then of course, he decided he wanted to quit that, so he "retired" at 10.
But now Spencer has entered the Acting ring and is also quite good. I never would have seen that coming when he was a toddler. Dude wouldn't leave my side until he was school aged. Spencer was 10 1/2 pounds at birth, and my happy arse was still carrying him up until he was 4. I did have some killer arm tone though, so there's a plus. Now my little "sack of taters" is 15 and I have to surf the net for size 14 shoes, seriously? I'm afraid he's not done growing, Skyler hit 6'2 at 16, and Spencer is already pushing 6'3, soooo. The up side? I don't have to carry him anymore and they are now my bouncers, my twin towers, when we go out. It's actually very nice and again, I'm thankful every day they are my beloveds.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Childhood Holiday Memories
When I was a wee child we always went to the North Palm Beach Country Club for our 4th of July festivities. During the day Mum would take me and her other child, to the pool while Dad played a few rounds of golf. Then we would go home, shower, get dressed and come back up for the fireworks display. It was always amazing, epic even. I remember sitting on the golf course, our little fam of four, chatting with our friends and running around while we waited on the program to begin. Such happy times. The golf course was so wide and so long where they shot off the fireworks, that you literally felt like it was raining down on you when they would shoot off. I don't remember music playing but still, it was so much fun and entertaining to watch and listen to.
For Christmas I remember a few times going to Lantana for the giant tree festival, but I believe that was in high school and I went with friends. I'm sure if I tried to take my kids to that they would tell me how lame it was or even worse, how lame I was, as if.
But you know, times were simpler then. Atari had come out but lord, you didn't spend all day playing Pong or you would go crazy. I could only sit there for a short while and listen to that "ping" so many times before I said "OK, I'm done!" But that could be my self diagnosed ADD too, who knows. I can't sit and play video games now, and trying to watch my sons, even something that constantly moves, bores me to tears. I had this one boyfriend who would play those army games with his roommate and after 5 minutes I was saying "alrighty then, I'm going to bed, see you later." Both my sons play video games but the eldest can sit in his "man cave" and play all night long. He has always been a nocturnal child. I remember when I was carrying him and I'd get ready for bed and then BAM, he decides it's time to kick and roll while Mummy tried to sleep. He can stay up all night and then go to bed at 6 am and sleep until 3pm. And I'm saying that in present day, not past. His Dad spoils him like no body's business. I often say that Skyler could pull a Columbine and my ex would blame the school. Skyler has never been in trouble with his Dad, whereas Spencer could do something so minimal and be banned to the dungeon for life. Fact. My baby daddy can deny all he likes, but even Skyler will tell you "I can get away with anything, I am the Messiah." And he is being dead serious. He doesn't say it to be cocky, he's just stating the truth. We all know this and Spencer knows I pretty much let him do whatever he wants, so it sort of balances out. If his Dad gets on him too hard I will intervene but baby daddy isn't much into punishing either of them anyway. His Dad was a little on the over punishing side so Steven is the polar opposite. Of course, he would tell you that I was making this up, but ask anyone who knows all of us and you will come to find out, I'm right, as usual I might add. Hee hee.
For Christmas I remember a few times going to Lantana for the giant tree festival, but I believe that was in high school and I went with friends. I'm sure if I tried to take my kids to that they would tell me how lame it was or even worse, how lame I was, as if.
But you know, times were simpler then. Atari had come out but lord, you didn't spend all day playing Pong or you would go crazy. I could only sit there for a short while and listen to that "ping" so many times before I said "OK, I'm done!" But that could be my self diagnosed ADD too, who knows. I can't sit and play video games now, and trying to watch my sons, even something that constantly moves, bores me to tears. I had this one boyfriend who would play those army games with his roommate and after 5 minutes I was saying "alrighty then, I'm going to bed, see you later." Both my sons play video games but the eldest can sit in his "man cave" and play all night long. He has always been a nocturnal child. I remember when I was carrying him and I'd get ready for bed and then BAM, he decides it's time to kick and roll while Mummy tried to sleep. He can stay up all night and then go to bed at 6 am and sleep until 3pm. And I'm saying that in present day, not past. His Dad spoils him like no body's business. I often say that Skyler could pull a Columbine and my ex would blame the school. Skyler has never been in trouble with his Dad, whereas Spencer could do something so minimal and be banned to the dungeon for life. Fact. My baby daddy can deny all he likes, but even Skyler will tell you "I can get away with anything, I am the Messiah." And he is being dead serious. He doesn't say it to be cocky, he's just stating the truth. We all know this and Spencer knows I pretty much let him do whatever he wants, so it sort of balances out. If his Dad gets on him too hard I will intervene but baby daddy isn't much into punishing either of them anyway. His Dad was a little on the over punishing side so Steven is the polar opposite. Of course, he would tell you that I was making this up, but ask anyone who knows all of us and you will come to find out, I'm right, as usual I might add. Hee hee.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Neighborly love...ugh
I have lived in my house for 13 years now and of the 3 neighbors I speak with, I was the first here. When my other people moved in we all made nice, introduced ourselves etc. The family directly across from me, has two girls, so when my boys were younger the four of them would hang out. The freak to the left and across from me, is my issue. Now, Clem is a nice enough guy, never married and I found out is now retired for the last few years. Side note, if this guy had 3 girls locked in his house ala Cleveland, I would not be surprised. I don't know what his house looks like on the inside and I pray I never find out. Over the years Mr Clem, as I refer to him, is the neighbor where if you are out watering your plants, or painting your house or generally just freaking busy doing yard work, his happy arse will pop over and chit chat. Clearly, he cannot tell I'm busy. Grrrr and the Mrs. Rogers in me makes me stop what I'm doing and chat. And that pisses me off. I'm outside for a reason, not to catch up on the latest gossip or be interrogated like the Gestapo.
A few months ago, I went out for the first mow of the year, always a happy day for me as I really enjoy mowing. Great exercise and I feel such a sense of accomplishment when I am done. I am barely 3 rows in and here comes Mr Clem, oh joy. He starts off complaining about the neighbors barking dog, which I do concede is annoying as fuck. I cannot even hang outside on my deck bc she is barking the whole time and ruins even a beer buzz. After he is done with that issue, he moves along to asking me why I haven't been around. I look at him like he has 4 heads bc I am home every night after work so I'm perplexed as to what the hell he is speaking of. And I ask, "um, what? I'm here every night." He then says "Oh, I haven't seen you home and I thought you were spending the nights with your friend." (first of all, yes this is creepy that he watches over me, but after 13 years, eh, whatever, I'm used to it). Now at this point I have no clue what "friend" he is referring to and I stupidly ask, "What friend? Shelly?' and he says "No, the blond guy who drives the silver boxy car." Thankfully, I'm wearing my sunglasses so he can't see my eyes when I say "I don't know who you are referring to, none of my friends look like that." "Yes, you know the tall skinny guy." I keep my calm and say "Um, huh, yeah I don't remember anyone like that" for the record I know exactly whom he is talking about but I choose to ignore it. He then proceeds to move onto my sons. "I haven't seen the kids around either, if you need work done around the house, you know I will help". Now I'm pissed bc my boys are here every Tuesday/Wednesday for dinner and "Mum" time, so this A-hole has no clue what he is saying and I don't need him spying on me. I get away from him and then here comes the other guy Brent, who lives directly across from me with the two girls. He asks "Was Clem complaining about me?" Jesus, really people? I reply "No, we were talking about the dog etc", "OK good, bc I have chickens and I didn't know if he was talking about them." Christ, help a sista out down here, would you?
My deal is this, you do your thing, I'll do mine. I mind my business, please mind yours.
A few months ago, I went out for the first mow of the year, always a happy day for me as I really enjoy mowing. Great exercise and I feel such a sense of accomplishment when I am done. I am barely 3 rows in and here comes Mr Clem, oh joy. He starts off complaining about the neighbors barking dog, which I do concede is annoying as fuck. I cannot even hang outside on my deck bc she is barking the whole time and ruins even a beer buzz. After he is done with that issue, he moves along to asking me why I haven't been around. I look at him like he has 4 heads bc I am home every night after work so I'm perplexed as to what the hell he is speaking of. And I ask, "um, what? I'm here every night." He then says "Oh, I haven't seen you home and I thought you were spending the nights with your friend." (first of all, yes this is creepy that he watches over me, but after 13 years, eh, whatever, I'm used to it). Now at this point I have no clue what "friend" he is referring to and I stupidly ask, "What friend? Shelly?' and he says "No, the blond guy who drives the silver boxy car." Thankfully, I'm wearing my sunglasses so he can't see my eyes when I say "I don't know who you are referring to, none of my friends look like that." "Yes, you know the tall skinny guy." I keep my calm and say "Um, huh, yeah I don't remember anyone like that" for the record I know exactly whom he is talking about but I choose to ignore it. He then proceeds to move onto my sons. "I haven't seen the kids around either, if you need work done around the house, you know I will help". Now I'm pissed bc my boys are here every Tuesday/Wednesday for dinner and "Mum" time, so this A-hole has no clue what he is saying and I don't need him spying on me. I get away from him and then here comes the other guy Brent, who lives directly across from me with the two girls. He asks "Was Clem complaining about me?" Jesus, really people? I reply "No, we were talking about the dog etc", "OK good, bc I have chickens and I didn't know if he was talking about them." Christ, help a sista out down here, would you?
My deal is this, you do your thing, I'll do mine. I mind my business, please mind yours.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
I know I am, but what are you?
Over the course of my 900 years of existing on this planet, I have acquired some lovely nicknames. Naturally my fave is Princess, just regular Princess, because I am the people's Princess, so nothing more needs to be added to that. However, I've been called "Ice Princess", "The Refrigerator", "Snot Box", and as of late "Miss OCD". Personally, I do not mind "Ice Princess" because it reminds me of a time when I didn't put up with crap from anyone, I really need to be more like that girl, but I veered away as I thought I was too much of a Bitch, perhaps I was mistaken.
Saturday night, one of my bestie guy friends Matt and I, were celebrating our 1 year friendship anniversary. We didn't go to dinner or exchange gifts, but we went to the place where we met and sat under my beloved JBJ wall size photo. Pure bliss for me, anyhoo, Matt brought a date, (I KNOW RIGHT!) to our celebration. I brought my friend Michelle, but it wasn't a date, have some class Matt, I mean really. I am totally kidding with the "date" thing, I wasn't upset he had a friend join us, really. OK, so his "date" has this very annoying, to me anyway, habit of twirling her hair. After about a good 10-15 minutes, I finally said something. It may have come off a tad harsh, I might have even spoken a little louder than my normal voice, and perhaps slammed the table? But geezus! If you are hanging with me, you had better not have even annoying tics because I will be a hag and say something. So we go back to chit chat, and lo and behold, she starts it back up. I think I growled under my voice and again brought it to her attention. When I commented the first time, I do believe I said something close to "OH MY GOD! YOU ARE KILLING ME WITH YOUR HAIR TWIRL". So this time I may have even threatened to beat her, it's unclear exactly what was said, but Matt called me "Miss OCD" and asked me to calm down, which I did. They left shortly after that. Hmmmm, was that the reason why? Lol.
I guess my point is, we all have things that either annoy us, disturbs us or sends us over the edge. Doing repetitive motions, clearly, sets me off. But I'm that person that can't sit still either. My leg will just start jumping up and down, and I've been told to stop it and I do. One of the reasons I get so irritated with traffic is because I like to keep moving. When I travel and we come to a dead stop? OMG, it will send me over the edge faster than an car being blown up in Fast & Furious. I was coming home from Charleston, a few months back, and all of the sudden BAM, dead stop traffic. I freaked, I was traveling with a new friend who really hadn't seen how I can go postal, period, must less while being stuck in a non moving vehicle. I tried my phone to find a reason for said traffic, there was none, so that frustrated me. Then I'm looking at the other vehicles and I'm hanging out of the window trying to see if there had been an accident. I wanted to get out of the vehicle but I was told to keep my happy arse inside. So then I tell my friend, "Fine, you have to entertain me, or it's going to get ugly and no singing!" We played "What's your favorite blank?" That was fun for about 5 minutes. The only way I can explain this is I'm not a patient person. I know my close peeps are shocked, they had no idea. But it's true, I blame my DNA. My Dad was not a patient guy, guess that's why we got along so well. When we are ready to go, or do something, by God, the rest of you had better be too. And can I just say, growing up with two Leo's in the house, (neither were me or my Dad, side note) my Dad and I were fuming a lot when it came to traveling. I'm just saying.....
Saturday night, one of my bestie guy friends Matt and I, were celebrating our 1 year friendship anniversary. We didn't go to dinner or exchange gifts, but we went to the place where we met and sat under my beloved JBJ wall size photo. Pure bliss for me, anyhoo, Matt brought a date, (I KNOW RIGHT!) to our celebration. I brought my friend Michelle, but it wasn't a date, have some class Matt, I mean really. I am totally kidding with the "date" thing, I wasn't upset he had a friend join us, really. OK, so his "date" has this very annoying, to me anyway, habit of twirling her hair. After about a good 10-15 minutes, I finally said something. It may have come off a tad harsh, I might have even spoken a little louder than my normal voice, and perhaps slammed the table? But geezus! If you are hanging with me, you had better not have even annoying tics because I will be a hag and say something. So we go back to chit chat, and lo and behold, she starts it back up. I think I growled under my voice and again brought it to her attention. When I commented the first time, I do believe I said something close to "OH MY GOD! YOU ARE KILLING ME WITH YOUR HAIR TWIRL". So this time I may have even threatened to beat her, it's unclear exactly what was said, but Matt called me "Miss OCD" and asked me to calm down, which I did. They left shortly after that. Hmmmm, was that the reason why? Lol.
I guess my point is, we all have things that either annoy us, disturbs us or sends us over the edge. Doing repetitive motions, clearly, sets me off. But I'm that person that can't sit still either. My leg will just start jumping up and down, and I've been told to stop it and I do. One of the reasons I get so irritated with traffic is because I like to keep moving. When I travel and we come to a dead stop? OMG, it will send me over the edge faster than an car being blown up in Fast & Furious. I was coming home from Charleston, a few months back, and all of the sudden BAM, dead stop traffic. I freaked, I was traveling with a new friend who really hadn't seen how I can go postal, period, must less while being stuck in a non moving vehicle. I tried my phone to find a reason for said traffic, there was none, so that frustrated me. Then I'm looking at the other vehicles and I'm hanging out of the window trying to see if there had been an accident. I wanted to get out of the vehicle but I was told to keep my happy arse inside. So then I tell my friend, "Fine, you have to entertain me, or it's going to get ugly and no singing!" We played "What's your favorite blank?" That was fun for about 5 minutes. The only way I can explain this is I'm not a patient person. I know my close peeps are shocked, they had no idea. But it's true, I blame my DNA. My Dad was not a patient guy, guess that's why we got along so well. When we are ready to go, or do something, by God, the rest of you had better be too. And can I just say, growing up with two Leo's in the house, (neither were me or my Dad, side note) my Dad and I were fuming a lot when it came to traveling. I'm just saying.....
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Things I've learned in the last 900 years of being me
As I reflect on stupid mistakes, or uninformed errors, I have come to realize that like the highways that lead us to our physical destinations, little clues from interactions with people, lead us on our personal highways. Below are just a smidgen of the ones I have remembered to really listen to in the future and they are in no particular order, just as I recalled them to write them down:
1. If someone tells you "I want it all, I want to be a kid in a candy store and I want you", tell Willy Wonka adios.
2. If someone appears selfish initially, she really is THAT selfish in the long run.
3. If you only hear from someone at their convenience, they are not a friend.
4. If your physical therapist, whom you've maybe had 2 convo's with, tells you to "slow down and enjoy life because if you don't God will slow you down himself", I'm thinking that's a sign I'm not supposed to work 7 days a week.
5. That old saying that we all had posters of on our bedroom wall, "If you love something set it free" etc, it's actually quite spot on. Because if somebody truly cares about you, loves you, needs you, they will go out of their way to get you back and let you know just how much they care. Now, I'm not saying you want them back, and it could get quite messy if you no longer feel the same, but that's a different blog.
6. Time really does fly. When my first beloved was born, the first most amazing day of my life, other Mom's and my own parents said "treasure these days as they will grow up before you know it", and side bar, I actually teared up writing that line, sniff, where was I? Oh right, SQUIRREL! They really do seem like only yesterday. But now he is a tall, strapping man of 20. And I'm an old hag looking on the down side of death. Oh joy. (sarcasm)
1. If someone tells you "I want it all, I want to be a kid in a candy store and I want you", tell Willy Wonka adios.
2. If someone appears selfish initially, she really is THAT selfish in the long run.
3. If you only hear from someone at their convenience, they are not a friend.
4. If your physical therapist, whom you've maybe had 2 convo's with, tells you to "slow down and enjoy life because if you don't God will slow you down himself", I'm thinking that's a sign I'm not supposed to work 7 days a week.
5. That old saying that we all had posters of on our bedroom wall, "If you love something set it free" etc, it's actually quite spot on. Because if somebody truly cares about you, loves you, needs you, they will go out of their way to get you back and let you know just how much they care. Now, I'm not saying you want them back, and it could get quite messy if you no longer feel the same, but that's a different blog.
6. Time really does fly. When my first beloved was born, the first most amazing day of my life, other Mom's and my own parents said "treasure these days as they will grow up before you know it", and side bar, I actually teared up writing that line, sniff, where was I? Oh right, SQUIRREL! They really do seem like only yesterday. But now he is a tall, strapping man of 20. And I'm an old hag looking on the down side of death. Oh joy. (sarcasm)
Thursday, May 30, 2013
I don't even know where to begin...
A few months ago, I was moping about a friend that I missed and the great fun we had last fall, right? Well, I still had contact with said friend, we will call him Mason, because I stupidly, really thought we had cultivated a friendship. I grant you that I can be naive but this blows naivety out of the frickin window. OK, like I said, Mason and I were still talking, no longer hanging out but we were friendly and would catch up with each other. Last month Mason gets back together with his on again off again love, I was truly happy for him. I knew their break up was hard on him as we had discussions about it. Look, anytime my friends fall in love or get back together with 'the one' I am all for it, my feelings aside, truly.
Last night I met a side of Mason that I never even knew existed. You know how they say 'never judge a book by it's cover?' Well, if he's in a band, you can, because the stereotype is there for a reason ladies, especially if he is the lead singer. I'm out with my sons and their friend for dinner, always a good time, and I get a text from Mason. Very nice since he had been out of the country doing some gigs. I was excited to hear about the trip, the weather etc. We get that aside and he goes into sleaze mode. When Mason and I were hanging out last fall, we had very good evening convo's, so I'm not going to sit here and say I'm a prude, however, once another is in the picture, you are a FRIEND and I don't have those discussions with you anymore. When I told Mason this, he gets snippy, quite hilarious actually, and I convey that him being with his gf, this isn't happening and I was pissed he would even think I was some whore he could have these talks with. Excuse me, I am a Princess, and you are NOT going to play me for a fool or worse, a number. Move on down the alphabet my love. When I call him out for having the gf his reply was, and I'm quoting here, "we're working on things...yea so". If he had been standing in front of me I would have slapped him. One of "their" and I mean his issues was he had broken her trust. Gee, really, color me shocked. ;p....I say "why would you chance losing her with this talk then?" Clearly, he didn't like this calling out because he comes back with "harmless fun..don't get so offended". There were so many offenses last night that I couldn't even point to just one. What did I learn last night? When a guy says to you early on, "I'm a bad guy" frickin listen to him, he's not lying, he is telling you he is a scum wad. Unfortunately, his niceness shadowed that for a very long time with me. And since I considered us friends, I never thought I would see this side, which come to think of it, he doesn't have just two sides, he has ummmm, 5? But I also realized, we aren't friends, not in the tradition I see friendships in. I was and am just a number in his heavy Rolodex, but no longer. I see him for what he truly is now and I can never unsee that.
Last night I met a side of Mason that I never even knew existed. You know how they say 'never judge a book by it's cover?' Well, if he's in a band, you can, because the stereotype is there for a reason ladies, especially if he is the lead singer. I'm out with my sons and their friend for dinner, always a good time, and I get a text from Mason. Very nice since he had been out of the country doing some gigs. I was excited to hear about the trip, the weather etc. We get that aside and he goes into sleaze mode. When Mason and I were hanging out last fall, we had very good evening convo's, so I'm not going to sit here and say I'm a prude, however, once another is in the picture, you are a FRIEND and I don't have those discussions with you anymore. When I told Mason this, he gets snippy, quite hilarious actually, and I convey that him being with his gf, this isn't happening and I was pissed he would even think I was some whore he could have these talks with. Excuse me, I am a Princess, and you are NOT going to play me for a fool or worse, a number. Move on down the alphabet my love. When I call him out for having the gf his reply was, and I'm quoting here, "we're working on things...yea so". If he had been standing in front of me I would have slapped him. One of "their" and I mean his issues was he had broken her trust. Gee, really, color me shocked. ;p....I say "why would you chance losing her with this talk then?" Clearly, he didn't like this calling out because he comes back with "harmless fun..don't get so offended". There were so many offenses last night that I couldn't even point to just one. What did I learn last night? When a guy says to you early on, "I'm a bad guy" frickin listen to him, he's not lying, he is telling you he is a scum wad. Unfortunately, his niceness shadowed that for a very long time with me. And since I considered us friends, I never thought I would see this side, which come to think of it, he doesn't have just two sides, he has ummmm, 5? But I also realized, we aren't friends, not in the tradition I see friendships in. I was and am just a number in his heavy Rolodex, but no longer. I see him for what he truly is now and I can never unsee that.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
To Date or Not to Date...well for me it's always NOT
I enjoy listening to my friends, male and female, discuss their dates and or dating life. It confirms why I have chosen to not date in seven years, yes, I said seven years. And to qualify, 'hanging out' and 'dating' are two different things. Dating you have 'relations', hanging out, you do not. :)....stopped you all before you even said "bullshiz". lol
Anyhoo, I have friends who do the online dating sites, which if nothing else, is pure comedy for all of us on a Friday or Saturday night. My one guy friend gets these weird messages every weekend and we have a game we play to see what type of person has "poked" him. I think I'm winning actually. But he trudges on ever seeking that one connection he wants to feel. I mean I get that aspect of it, but the crap you have to shovel through, is so not worth it to moi. I am really happy hanging with my peeps and my kids. I can come and go as I wish, which was a huge issue when I was married or in a few relationships. I was lucky with the last one, he did his thing and I did mine but we still made time for each other. Guess that's why we were back and forth for 5 years. But alas, both of us have moved on and we are better people for the time we did have. Well he is for sure, me I don't know. hahahahahah. As I was saying, I love when my friends would say " I don't like drama" yet every relationship they cultivated, wreaked in heavy drama. Coincidence? I think not, it's not them honey, it's all you and your psychoness. But those are ex friends so I no longer have to listen to either of them drone on. Oy!
I recently met a few lovely ladies, who are both smart, attractive, funny, have their own things going on, both are gainfully employed and are not looking for Sugar Daddies, but just a nice guy to share their life with. You would think they were asking for the Hope diamond to be set at their feet. I just don't get it. One gets asked out quite a bit, but she likes another so she doesn't really go. The other, is like me, we don't get approached and quite honestly, we are both super fine with that. I work at my 'leave me the f*ck alone' vibe, I promise. If I'm out with my friends, I am not looking to hook up with anyone, other than my friends. So bah bye for you now. I'm not rude if someone does talk to me, but I keep it completely friendly. I can be a total bitch, but as long as you aren't rude or obnoxious, I'm good.
When I was in high school, my Mum used to encourage me to go out with guys I really had no interest in. Her motto was and still is "you never know who you might meet out". Newsflash, I have never met another while on a date. I personally, find that rude and ungracious not to mention tacky. Oh and did I mention bad karma???? But as I listen to my peeps and their stories, which by the way, are always entertaining and hilarious especially this one having to do with a parking lot, I really wish that one of those times, that date will turn out to be their "one". I pray every night for all of my single friends to find everlasting love because in the end, I want all of my pals to be happy. And if a mate makes them happy, then I will do whatever I can or needs to be done to make it happen. I'm just that kind of girl. You want to meet a cute boy/girl, point him out and I am on my way to getting that person for you. All they have to do is ask, or sometimes just say 'Hey that person is cute' and off I go.
Anyhoo, I have friends who do the online dating sites, which if nothing else, is pure comedy for all of us on a Friday or Saturday night. My one guy friend gets these weird messages every weekend and we have a game we play to see what type of person has "poked" him. I think I'm winning actually. But he trudges on ever seeking that one connection he wants to feel. I mean I get that aspect of it, but the crap you have to shovel through, is so not worth it to moi. I am really happy hanging with my peeps and my kids. I can come and go as I wish, which was a huge issue when I was married or in a few relationships. I was lucky with the last one, he did his thing and I did mine but we still made time for each other. Guess that's why we were back and forth for 5 years. But alas, both of us have moved on and we are better people for the time we did have. Well he is for sure, me I don't know. hahahahahah. As I was saying, I love when my friends would say " I don't like drama" yet every relationship they cultivated, wreaked in heavy drama. Coincidence? I think not, it's not them honey, it's all you and your psychoness. But those are ex friends so I no longer have to listen to either of them drone on. Oy!
I recently met a few lovely ladies, who are both smart, attractive, funny, have their own things going on, both are gainfully employed and are not looking for Sugar Daddies, but just a nice guy to share their life with. You would think they were asking for the Hope diamond to be set at their feet. I just don't get it. One gets asked out quite a bit, but she likes another so she doesn't really go. The other, is like me, we don't get approached and quite honestly, we are both super fine with that. I work at my 'leave me the f*ck alone' vibe, I promise. If I'm out with my friends, I am not looking to hook up with anyone, other than my friends. So bah bye for you now. I'm not rude if someone does talk to me, but I keep it completely friendly. I can be a total bitch, but as long as you aren't rude or obnoxious, I'm good.
When I was in high school, my Mum used to encourage me to go out with guys I really had no interest in. Her motto was and still is "you never know who you might meet out". Newsflash, I have never met another while on a date. I personally, find that rude and ungracious not to mention tacky. Oh and did I mention bad karma???? But as I listen to my peeps and their stories, which by the way, are always entertaining and hilarious especially this one having to do with a parking lot, I really wish that one of those times, that date will turn out to be their "one". I pray every night for all of my single friends to find everlasting love because in the end, I want all of my pals to be happy. And if a mate makes them happy, then I will do whatever I can or needs to be done to make it happen. I'm just that kind of girl. You want to meet a cute boy/girl, point him out and I am on my way to getting that person for you. All they have to do is ask, or sometimes just say 'Hey that person is cute' and off I go.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Life Observations
Sometimes in life, we deal with people who think they know what's best for you. THINK being the operative word here. I don't give much thought to most people and their opinions, even if they are blood. As of late, I have decided to adopt the just say nothing theory. Which, if you know me, isn't an easy thing for moi to do. But as I've reached 900 years of living, people and their comments, tirades, judgements, just don't matter to me anymore. I was debating having a conversation with one person after their judgemental texts and comments and then I thought, 'why bother?' It's not going to change my thinking, her thinking and the only thing it will accomplish is keeping the words flying around. And I just don't care to rehash the same old convo, or diatribe. Walking away just seems to be the best option for me. No muss, no fuss.
This past Thursday, April 11, 2013, was the 1 year anniversary of my Dad's passing. On some level it seems longer and another it seems like yesterday. I started the day off pretty much the same way I did the year before. I woke up and started packing up the dresser I missed, I packed up his bathroom with the stuff I had left and I did the closets. I found some books about the history of the Gators and the Dodgers. Luckily, I have friends with these interests so the books found a good home. I packed up the Dolphin items I found and again, I have a friend with that interest. Dad would be pleased that we were able to pass them along to our friends. My Dad was all about sharing with those you love and care about. My Dad was a quiet man when he wasn't drinking. He kept to himself and talked softly. But a few drinks in and he was the life of the party. Talking to anyone and everyone, laughing (loudly) and he always had a big smile on his face. My Dad was a fun guy to talk with. You liked his teams and you were never getting out of a convo. He could go on and on about the Gators, Dodgers, Timmy Tebow, Danny Marino, Shula, omg, you name it. My Dad was well versed in different interests. He liked watching the Weather Channel, on mute no less, which used to annoy the living crap out of the rest of us. I get annoyed when I watch local news and they show the weather at the airport, my comment ALWAYS is 'NO ONE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, WHO CARES WHAT THE WEATHER IS THERE?' My ex would just laugh at me, but it seemed like a stupid point to make with us viewers.
My Mum has decided, now that the year has come and gone, that she will sell the Chattanooga house and move closer to her daughters and grand kids. I, for one, cannot wait. It will be nice to have her for regular weekly dinners or have her close enough if the kids want to go visit. My Mum is a spry 75 year old, but like all of us know, life is short. Shizz happens in the blink of an eye. Wouldn't it be nicer to be 15 minutes away vs 2:15 minutes away? I vote yes.
This past Thursday, April 11, 2013, was the 1 year anniversary of my Dad's passing. On some level it seems longer and another it seems like yesterday. I started the day off pretty much the same way I did the year before. I woke up and started packing up the dresser I missed, I packed up his bathroom with the stuff I had left and I did the closets. I found some books about the history of the Gators and the Dodgers. Luckily, I have friends with these interests so the books found a good home. I packed up the Dolphin items I found and again, I have a friend with that interest. Dad would be pleased that we were able to pass them along to our friends. My Dad was all about sharing with those you love and care about. My Dad was a quiet man when he wasn't drinking. He kept to himself and talked softly. But a few drinks in and he was the life of the party. Talking to anyone and everyone, laughing (loudly) and he always had a big smile on his face. My Dad was a fun guy to talk with. You liked his teams and you were never getting out of a convo. He could go on and on about the Gators, Dodgers, Timmy Tebow, Danny Marino, Shula, omg, you name it. My Dad was well versed in different interests. He liked watching the Weather Channel, on mute no less, which used to annoy the living crap out of the rest of us. I get annoyed when I watch local news and they show the weather at the airport, my comment ALWAYS is 'NO ONE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, WHO CARES WHAT THE WEATHER IS THERE?' My ex would just laugh at me, but it seemed like a stupid point to make with us viewers.
My Mum has decided, now that the year has come and gone, that she will sell the Chattanooga house and move closer to her daughters and grand kids. I, for one, cannot wait. It will be nice to have her for regular weekly dinners or have her close enough if the kids want to go visit. My Mum is a spry 75 year old, but like all of us know, life is short. Shizz happens in the blink of an eye. Wouldn't it be nicer to be 15 minutes away vs 2:15 minutes away? I vote yes.
Monday, February 18, 2013
February 19, 1993
That is the day I became a Mum for the first time. Now, I had dogs, but this was THE time I gave birth to another human. My flesh, my blood and my tears. I like to tell my sons how I was gutted so that both of them could have life. A little dramatic, sure, but funny as hell too. They laugh and just look at me like "OMG Shut UP!" What more could a Mum ask for? hahahahaha.
It was 2ish am and I had had contractions for 2 hours regularly. I call in and they tell me to hike my cookies to Northside. THE baby hospital in the ATL. My baby daddy and I get into the car and drive the 30 minutes to Atlanta. I will tell you that my ex was very disappointed because there was no traffic and he really wanted to run red lights and speed. Probably the only time he did speed was this time and when I had Spencer. The man drives slower than my dead grandma, which is why I always drove. However, for some reason, didn't really feel like driving while I was having gut wrenching contractions.
Anyhoo, we get to the hospital and they admit us and I put on that Donna Karan hospital gown, tres chic. Another thing you should know about my ex, he is the worst in scary situations. The man was and is the last person you should count on to help you keep it together, he was such a girl when the earthquakes hit in California. But I digress, so he is pacing like a dumbarse and I am calm, AND I'M THE ONE WHO THINKS SHE IS PUSHING THIS BABY OUT OF HER VA-JAY JAY. Just saying. The nurse wants to 'take a look' weirdo, I know. And then utters the worst words a nurse can say to a first time Mum to be, "I don't like what I'm feeling." I'm sorry, let me change it up for you hag. So she brings in another nurse and they agree, yes, somethings a foot. Grrreat!! Can we call in the passerbys too and let them have a feel while we're all up in there? Now, they have brought in an IV, just in case, and my ex has called my Mum to tell her what's going on. Two points I must make at this juncture. 1) When I first told my Mum that I was due in February, her first comments were, "any day but the 19th because I have to be out of town for a conference". Guess what, Skyler didn't care about her time table. 2) My Mum is a nurse, so you can imagine the panic in her voice when her first born, that would be me, was going into labor. OK, so after the "not liking" nurses get done they send in the hottest Ob/Gyn I have ever laid eyes on. Those of you who have kids you know you don't look good, and you don't feel good and the last thing you want is a hottie doc checking out your privates. Oh, and he brought 3 interns with him, well Yahtzee! Let's all have a party, shall we? He checks me and yep, he's not liking it either. It's a good thing my va jay-jay didn't get a complex from all these negative Nelly's, but she survived as did I. OK, so now he wants to bring in the ultra sound machine so he can visualize where our bundle of joy is. Um hello, why don't we ask the one who is carrying him, I could tell you. The ultra sound shows baby right side up, he was down and in position not 8 hours prior, and oh yeah, sucking his thumb with his head up. Dr Hottie decides he cannot try to turn him, which quite honestly, sounded more painful then pushing his ass out. So guess what? Let's scrub her up for a C-section. Oh boy! I get to be sliced open, yay!
As soon as they put that epidural in me, I went white and started shaking from the cold. "Is this normal?" I ask "sure, sometimes" is what I get. Now, at this point I want my freaking Mum because now I'm scared and my ex is of no use to me. My Mum and sister walk in, and Mum takes one look at the hottie doc and tells my sister to 'go put some make up on', REALLY???? Mind you said doc has just returned from his honeymoon, so Debra wasn't going to make any strides there. But typical Mummy, said with love of course. Now that we are all here, my Dad was coming up later, they wheel my ashen, freezing arse to the OR. I'm shivering and they have the gall to tell me to stop moving. Sure, as soon as you warm my arse up, I will jackhole. At 10:04 AM, my beautiful blond 7 pound 21 inch son was born. He was the most amazing thing I had ever seen, until beloved #2 was born. Completely worth the splotches I got on my face, the pre-eclampsia I got and the 45 pounds I gained. He was completely perfect and still is.
Tomorrow this number 1 son turns 20. I remember his birth like it was yesterday. I cannot help but tear at the memory and the pictures of that day. Because of Skyler Robert Mikhail Tisland, I am a Mum. Your first child is always special because they are your first. You learned together. If he dropped his pacifier you scalded that puppy before giving it to him. When Spencer came along I blew on it and stuffed it back into his yap. They both survived babydom so I guess I did OK. I live for both of my sons, I would walk into fire, a hurricane, a twister and a tsunami if it meant saving them from harm. They are my life, loves, and my blood. I cannot ever thank either of them enough for choosing me as their Mum. Happy Birthday Skyler! I love you more than anything. You complete me.
It was 2ish am and I had had contractions for 2 hours regularly. I call in and they tell me to hike my cookies to Northside. THE baby hospital in the ATL. My baby daddy and I get into the car and drive the 30 minutes to Atlanta. I will tell you that my ex was very disappointed because there was no traffic and he really wanted to run red lights and speed. Probably the only time he did speed was this time and when I had Spencer. The man drives slower than my dead grandma, which is why I always drove. However, for some reason, didn't really feel like driving while I was having gut wrenching contractions.
Anyhoo, we get to the hospital and they admit us and I put on that Donna Karan hospital gown, tres chic. Another thing you should know about my ex, he is the worst in scary situations. The man was and is the last person you should count on to help you keep it together, he was such a girl when the earthquakes hit in California. But I digress, so he is pacing like a dumbarse and I am calm, AND I'M THE ONE WHO THINKS SHE IS PUSHING THIS BABY OUT OF HER VA-JAY JAY. Just saying. The nurse wants to 'take a look' weirdo, I know. And then utters the worst words a nurse can say to a first time Mum to be, "I don't like what I'm feeling." I'm sorry, let me change it up for you hag. So she brings in another nurse and they agree, yes, somethings a foot. Grrreat!! Can we call in the passerbys too and let them have a feel while we're all up in there? Now, they have brought in an IV, just in case, and my ex has called my Mum to tell her what's going on. Two points I must make at this juncture. 1) When I first told my Mum that I was due in February, her first comments were, "any day but the 19th because I have to be out of town for a conference". Guess what, Skyler didn't care about her time table. 2) My Mum is a nurse, so you can imagine the panic in her voice when her first born, that would be me, was going into labor. OK, so after the "not liking" nurses get done they send in the hottest Ob/Gyn I have ever laid eyes on. Those of you who have kids you know you don't look good, and you don't feel good and the last thing you want is a hottie doc checking out your privates. Oh, and he brought 3 interns with him, well Yahtzee! Let's all have a party, shall we? He checks me and yep, he's not liking it either. It's a good thing my va jay-jay didn't get a complex from all these negative Nelly's, but she survived as did I. OK, so now he wants to bring in the ultra sound machine so he can visualize where our bundle of joy is. Um hello, why don't we ask the one who is carrying him, I could tell you. The ultra sound shows baby right side up, he was down and in position not 8 hours prior, and oh yeah, sucking his thumb with his head up. Dr Hottie decides he cannot try to turn him, which quite honestly, sounded more painful then pushing his ass out. So guess what? Let's scrub her up for a C-section. Oh boy! I get to be sliced open, yay!
As soon as they put that epidural in me, I went white and started shaking from the cold. "Is this normal?" I ask "sure, sometimes" is what I get. Now, at this point I want my freaking Mum because now I'm scared and my ex is of no use to me. My Mum and sister walk in, and Mum takes one look at the hottie doc and tells my sister to 'go put some make up on', REALLY???? Mind you said doc has just returned from his honeymoon, so Debra wasn't going to make any strides there. But typical Mummy, said with love of course. Now that we are all here, my Dad was coming up later, they wheel my ashen, freezing arse to the OR. I'm shivering and they have the gall to tell me to stop moving. Sure, as soon as you warm my arse up, I will jackhole. At 10:04 AM, my beautiful blond 7 pound 21 inch son was born. He was the most amazing thing I had ever seen, until beloved #2 was born. Completely worth the splotches I got on my face, the pre-eclampsia I got and the 45 pounds I gained. He was completely perfect and still is.
Tomorrow this number 1 son turns 20. I remember his birth like it was yesterday. I cannot help but tear at the memory and the pictures of that day. Because of Skyler Robert Mikhail Tisland, I am a Mum. Your first child is always special because they are your first. You learned together. If he dropped his pacifier you scalded that puppy before giving it to him. When Spencer came along I blew on it and stuffed it back into his yap. They both survived babydom so I guess I did OK. I live for both of my sons, I would walk into fire, a hurricane, a twister and a tsunami if it meant saving them from harm. They are my life, loves, and my blood. I cannot ever thank either of them enough for choosing me as their Mum. Happy Birthday Skyler! I love you more than anything. You complete me.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Things that piss me off!
First of all, let me start by saying I have mellowed quite a bit from my younger quick tempered self. However, there are still a few things that will send me over a couch to smack the crap out of you if you do the following:
1) It would be in your best interest and your health, to NOT tell me what I need to do or to tell me that I CAN'T do something or DON'T do something. I will flip on you faster than Shamu on a trainer. No joke. I even think my eyes turn red with fire too. I'm just warning you.
2) If I call you and ask you to return the call, which I rarely do unless it's IMPORTANT, you might want to return said phone call. If you don't, I cannot be held responsible for my attitude the next time you want to chat.
3) If I text you, whether it be a question or just a comment, be nice and polite and reply back. If you don't, you are on the fast track of being deleted. Now, if that's what you are going for, then continue to be an asshat, that's fine. This one has no bearing on whether you are family, a lover and or bestie. It's universal is what I am saying.
4) If I have not asked your opinion on my hair, shirt whatever, DON'T GIVE ME YOUR OPINION. Unless it's a compliment then by all means, gush away, I have no problems with that. But I don't need "oh, I don't really like your hair color", um yeah, I don't recall asking you. Just walk away, it seems best and safer for you.
5) People who hang on me, and I did not invite that behavior. I'm not that touchy feely and I don't need you to 'claim' me on any level, thanks, again, keep moving.
6) Smokers who stand right outside a restaurant or bar and hover instead of letting us non smokers breathe fresh, OK semi fresh air. One night I will have a blow horn, and it won't be pretty, I'm just saying.
7) People who belittle other people just for sport. Yeah, no.
8) People who run their mouth about nothing and then are sweet to your face. Another reason why my "inner circle" is so small. I know whom I can trust. And if you aren't "in" I don't.
9) Girls who look me up and down when I walk into the bathroom. Once is sufficient, I get it, you haven't see a real live Princess before, but when you continue this? You are about to get a verbal beat down or the world famous "Korol" look and I will just get beyond rude, it has happened and it almost happened last night. I'm not a fighter or provoke such things, however, if you are going to be a little bitch, it's on.
10) People who know it all. NO ONE knows it's all, so shut up, none of us want to hear you spout off about crap we all know you don't know jack about.
Have a beautimus weekend people!
1) It would be in your best interest and your health, to NOT tell me what I need to do or to tell me that I CAN'T do something or DON'T do something. I will flip on you faster than Shamu on a trainer. No joke. I even think my eyes turn red with fire too. I'm just warning you.
2) If I call you and ask you to return the call, which I rarely do unless it's IMPORTANT, you might want to return said phone call. If you don't, I cannot be held responsible for my attitude the next time you want to chat.
3) If I text you, whether it be a question or just a comment, be nice and polite and reply back. If you don't, you are on the fast track of being deleted. Now, if that's what you are going for, then continue to be an asshat, that's fine. This one has no bearing on whether you are family, a lover and or bestie. It's universal is what I am saying.
4) If I have not asked your opinion on my hair, shirt whatever, DON'T GIVE ME YOUR OPINION. Unless it's a compliment then by all means, gush away, I have no problems with that. But I don't need "oh, I don't really like your hair color", um yeah, I don't recall asking you. Just walk away, it seems best and safer for you.
5) People who hang on me, and I did not invite that behavior. I'm not that touchy feely and I don't need you to 'claim' me on any level, thanks, again, keep moving.
6) Smokers who stand right outside a restaurant or bar and hover instead of letting us non smokers breathe fresh, OK semi fresh air. One night I will have a blow horn, and it won't be pretty, I'm just saying.
7) People who belittle other people just for sport. Yeah, no.
8) People who run their mouth about nothing and then are sweet to your face. Another reason why my "inner circle" is so small. I know whom I can trust. And if you aren't "in" I don't.
9) Girls who look me up and down when I walk into the bathroom. Once is sufficient, I get it, you haven't see a real live Princess before, but when you continue this? You are about to get a verbal beat down or the world famous "Korol" look and I will just get beyond rude, it has happened and it almost happened last night. I'm not a fighter or provoke such things, however, if you are going to be a little bitch, it's on.
10) People who know it all. NO ONE knows it's all, so shut up, none of us want to hear you spout off about crap we all know you don't know jack about.
Have a beautimus weekend people!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
My Beloveds
Like any Mum, my children are my life, my deepest loves and my world. As they have aged I may not be with them as much as I once was, but they know I love, adore and live for them. When my first beloved, Skyler, was given to me, I had this instant feeling of not needing anyone else in the world. With him in my arms, he completed me. That's when I realized I no longer wanted to be married to his father. I had such an overwhelming love of immense strength, he was all I cared about. I stuck it out as I knew I wouldn't marry again and I didn't want him to be an only child. I was one for 10 years and as much as I complain about my sister, I really didn't like being a lone child. However, now maybe I wouldn't mind it. Just kidding Debra.
Skyler was the cutest, most out going child ever. (its my blog I can say what I want) No child was sweeter, more happy, or just plain animated than my Skyler. He was truly a gift from the Angels. I still believe both my sons are and I will go to the grave believing that. Since I thought my son was so perfect and fearless, I wanted him to model, the boy had/has the looks. When I took him in to audition for a local talent agency, she came back and asked to sign him for acting because he was so animated and without hesitation. His very first gig was when Children's Hospital and Scottish Rite merged, some 15 years ago. Skyler was just under 3 maybe just 4, but with this job he got his SAG card. When we got his royalty check we took him to Toys R Us and let him buy whatever he wanted. We explained to him that he worked for this reward but subsequent monies we would invest or save. The one thing my ex was always good at was picking investments and saving money. He continued on that path until he was around 8 or 9 then decided he didn't want to do it anymore. Okie dokie, whatever you want SkylerRoo.
Once he got to high school, he chose Drama as his extracurricular and took that all 4 years of school. Now again, I know EVERY mother says this, but this kid has talent. When he's on stage whether it be a Drama or a Comedy, he owns the stage. He has a presence and his speak is effortless. You honestly believe he is the character. He is now in his 2nd year of college, thank you Jesus, but there isn't a Drama course where he attends. I'm hoping he will gravitate back towards it. He is 6'2+ and I tell him he could walk the runway or do side modeling gigs or whatever he wants to do. I am not a stage mother by any means, I just want both my sons to be happy and fulfilled and do what they love doing for their careers.
Last night my second beloved, Spencer, graced the high school Drama stage for the very first time. His role was as the Giant. Again, I was so proud of the way he took command of the stage and knowing his lines and just having a blast being the Giant. I am a very humbled, proud, grateful Mum of my two boys. They will never get just how much I depend on their humor, sarcasm (oh yes, both are fluent) love and support. They are always a prize in my eyes.
Skyler was the cutest, most out going child ever. (its my blog I can say what I want) No child was sweeter, more happy, or just plain animated than my Skyler. He was truly a gift from the Angels. I still believe both my sons are and I will go to the grave believing that. Since I thought my son was so perfect and fearless, I wanted him to model, the boy had/has the looks. When I took him in to audition for a local talent agency, she came back and asked to sign him for acting because he was so animated and without hesitation. His very first gig was when Children's Hospital and Scottish Rite merged, some 15 years ago. Skyler was just under 3 maybe just 4, but with this job he got his SAG card. When we got his royalty check we took him to Toys R Us and let him buy whatever he wanted. We explained to him that he worked for this reward but subsequent monies we would invest or save. The one thing my ex was always good at was picking investments and saving money. He continued on that path until he was around 8 or 9 then decided he didn't want to do it anymore. Okie dokie, whatever you want SkylerRoo.
Once he got to high school, he chose Drama as his extracurricular and took that all 4 years of school. Now again, I know EVERY mother says this, but this kid has talent. When he's on stage whether it be a Drama or a Comedy, he owns the stage. He has a presence and his speak is effortless. You honestly believe he is the character. He is now in his 2nd year of college, thank you Jesus, but there isn't a Drama course where he attends. I'm hoping he will gravitate back towards it. He is 6'2+ and I tell him he could walk the runway or do side modeling gigs or whatever he wants to do. I am not a stage mother by any means, I just want both my sons to be happy and fulfilled and do what they love doing for their careers.
Last night my second beloved, Spencer, graced the high school Drama stage for the very first time. His role was as the Giant. Again, I was so proud of the way he took command of the stage and knowing his lines and just having a blast being the Giant. I am a very humbled, proud, grateful Mum of my two boys. They will never get just how much I depend on their humor, sarcasm (oh yes, both are fluent) love and support. They are always a prize in my eyes.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Weekend in Chattavega
This past weekend would have been my parents 51st anniversary. Debra and I drove up Saturday afternoon to be with our Mum. These once special and happy days are really turning into days I want to avoid, but alas, I cannot. My denial only works for some things. I was OK until I got off at Mum's exit and I turn down a street with a church and the lovely cemetery faces the road. First choke up of the weekend. My Dad isn't even buried there nor was that their church they worshipped in. I allowed myself to cry while I drove to Mum's house and then stopped. After I took a nap, I did feel better even though I was sleeping in their bed on my Dad's side of the bed. Thankfully, that does not seem to bother me. It's more comforting.
After my sister gets there, which is always way after me because she is perpetually late, as I have established in prior blogs, the two Leo's want to go shopping. OH JOY! Because shopping is right up there with root canal for me. We hit the pharmacy, that had the oldest patrons I have ever seen in one place before, and I lived in Florida. They found a consignment shop they wanted to look at. Yay! We go in and they are looking at this old crap and that old crap and I am thinking in my head, "I could just go in the back and hang myself and end this torture." After about oohhhhh 40 minutes of buying nothing, we go to the hardware store for vacuum repair. Where BONUS they offer free popcorn. ;=.......Anyhoo, we get what we need and head to the grocery store, now grocery shopping I do not mind unless it was with my baby's daddy, he could make a quick run turn into an afternoon, horrible, horrific even. Where was I? Oh right, Publix, so we go and get food for our "anniversary" dinner for 3. Debra and I always have such good adventures in the grocery store and I don't even know why. But we always do and thankfully Saturday was no exception. We decide on filet's, green beans, french bread and of course a trio of small desserts. I grab beer and Debra heads next door to the wine store. Another place we can always get giggling at.
We are home and decide to watch one of all of our favorite moovies "A Christmas Carol" with Alastair Sims, my all time fave version. Debra is happily being Chef Diva and Mum and I are watching the moovie. I, of course, have already tapped into the beer. My niece Jane and her doggy Aunt Heidi are running around this ranch house and being idiots. Dinner comes and we sit and BAM here come my tears again. Now, when the "strong one" starts crying it turns the other two into puddles as well. Maybe I need to have my blood checked because this crying is not me, I don't like it, I don't want to do it and I'm tired of crying since April 11, 2012. I used to make fun of my Mum for crying at Kodak commercials when they came on the TV, and I would laugh when Deb would get teary over stupid things. Now, I'm the stupid, crying girl. Really pisses me off to be honest with you. I'm starting to believe they have become the "strong ones". We enjoy the wonderful dinner that Deb made and the rest of the night was uneventful.
Our next hurdle with not be until April 11, 2013, I am already back ordering my tissues.
After my sister gets there, which is always way after me because she is perpetually late, as I have established in prior blogs, the two Leo's want to go shopping. OH JOY! Because shopping is right up there with root canal for me. We hit the pharmacy, that had the oldest patrons I have ever seen in one place before, and I lived in Florida. They found a consignment shop they wanted to look at. Yay! We go in and they are looking at this old crap and that old crap and I am thinking in my head, "I could just go in the back and hang myself and end this torture." After about oohhhhh 40 minutes of buying nothing, we go to the hardware store for vacuum repair. Where BONUS they offer free popcorn. ;=.......Anyhoo, we get what we need and head to the grocery store, now grocery shopping I do not mind unless it was with my baby's daddy, he could make a quick run turn into an afternoon, horrible, horrific even. Where was I? Oh right, Publix, so we go and get food for our "anniversary" dinner for 3. Debra and I always have such good adventures in the grocery store and I don't even know why. But we always do and thankfully Saturday was no exception. We decide on filet's, green beans, french bread and of course a trio of small desserts. I grab beer and Debra heads next door to the wine store. Another place we can always get giggling at.
We are home and decide to watch one of all of our favorite moovies "A Christmas Carol" with Alastair Sims, my all time fave version. Debra is happily being Chef Diva and Mum and I are watching the moovie. I, of course, have already tapped into the beer. My niece Jane and her doggy Aunt Heidi are running around this ranch house and being idiots. Dinner comes and we sit and BAM here come my tears again. Now, when the "strong one" starts crying it turns the other two into puddles as well. Maybe I need to have my blood checked because this crying is not me, I don't like it, I don't want to do it and I'm tired of crying since April 11, 2012. I used to make fun of my Mum for crying at Kodak commercials when they came on the TV, and I would laugh when Deb would get teary over stupid things. Now, I'm the stupid, crying girl. Really pisses me off to be honest with you. I'm starting to believe they have become the "strong ones". We enjoy the wonderful dinner that Deb made and the rest of the night was uneventful.
Our next hurdle with not be until April 11, 2013, I am already back ordering my tissues.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
There's a Calm...ahhhhhh
As I have shared before, I believe in Paranormal, Angels and Psychics. I recently went to my psychic Denise, who is beyond wonderful. The very first time I went to see her was about 6 years ago. I had this pesky on/off relationship and for the life of me could not figure out why I kept taking him back. I check in with her annually unless I have a dilemma that I cannot remove myself from. Most times when I sit with her, I already know how it's going to turn out. I'm intuitive that way and know what I need to do/say but aren't ready to do so. And if I'm not ready to let it go or I think maybe it could have a different outcome, I will hold on. Even psychics make mistakes, your path can change daily. It's all in how you address or engage with others or even your own self, that discerns your course. And you may get sidetracked, but eventually you will resume the path you were meant to follow. Even if you don't want to. Those pesky angels and their agenda's honestly!
Yesterday was no exception in the 'thought so' department. Sometimes you cannot go and hear her if you are not ready to take what she says and follow through. The reason I prefer Denise over others I have been to over the years, oh yes, I said years people. Debra and I go to psychics like most go to therapists, fact. Except I'm not the crazy sister that needs to go every couple of months, OK fine, I did this past year but that's not my normal pattern, thank you! :).. Anyway, where was I? I get distracted so easily...SQUIRREL! Oh right, Denise always takes any anxiety or stomach bunch feeling I have and quiets it. Every single time I have gone in and was worried about the outcome, by the end of the session I feel so at peace and so centered that I can take on anything and anyone. Such is the case from my last visit. The things she gave me information on, I didn't really want to hear it, I sensed some of it, but you know when you meet people and have relationships, be it lovers, friends, family, all count as relationships, if you really trusted or liked that person(s) you want to believe they aren't lying to your face or maybe not treating you the way you thought they were. Denise brings a lot of credibility with her skills as well. For example she foretold my Dad's illness a year before it happened, she has been dead right on past relationships I have had and she had given me information that I thought possibly couldn't be accurate only to find out, hey guess what idiot, it was factual.
One thing my on/off ex did give me was closure. I know people scoff at that word, but when you are in love with someone or you really care about them, when it ends you need to know why. When I 'release' someone, (sounds so much better than dumped, no?) I give them the whole reason, not to hurt them but so I don't have to worry about them showing up at my door, calling from a blocked number or emailing me and/or seeing me out and confronting me. And because I do this with others, I sometimes, need it for myself. If i didn't care about the person than it's usually 'good riddance and F you too'. Said nicely of course, because my mother raised ladies, our Dad raised girls who could stand up for themselves and use expletives to make our point. My Mum raised us to be independent women, some would say too independent, but those are weak people and we don't need to discuss them.
Yesterday was no exception in the 'thought so' department. Sometimes you cannot go and hear her if you are not ready to take what she says and follow through. The reason I prefer Denise over others I have been to over the years, oh yes, I said years people. Debra and I go to psychics like most go to therapists, fact. Except I'm not the crazy sister that needs to go every couple of months, OK fine, I did this past year but that's not my normal pattern, thank you! :).. Anyway, where was I? I get distracted so easily...SQUIRREL! Oh right, Denise always takes any anxiety or stomach bunch feeling I have and quiets it. Every single time I have gone in and was worried about the outcome, by the end of the session I feel so at peace and so centered that I can take on anything and anyone. Such is the case from my last visit. The things she gave me information on, I didn't really want to hear it, I sensed some of it, but you know when you meet people and have relationships, be it lovers, friends, family, all count as relationships, if you really trusted or liked that person(s) you want to believe they aren't lying to your face or maybe not treating you the way you thought they were. Denise brings a lot of credibility with her skills as well. For example she foretold my Dad's illness a year before it happened, she has been dead right on past relationships I have had and she had given me information that I thought possibly couldn't be accurate only to find out, hey guess what idiot, it was factual.
One thing my on/off ex did give me was closure. I know people scoff at that word, but when you are in love with someone or you really care about them, when it ends you need to know why. When I 'release' someone, (sounds so much better than dumped, no?) I give them the whole reason, not to hurt them but so I don't have to worry about them showing up at my door, calling from a blocked number or emailing me and/or seeing me out and confronting me. And because I do this with others, I sometimes, need it for myself. If i didn't care about the person than it's usually 'good riddance and F you too'. Said nicely of course, because my mother raised ladies, our Dad raised girls who could stand up for themselves and use expletives to make our point. My Mum raised us to be independent women, some would say too independent, but those are weak people and we don't need to discuss them.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Friends
We all have friends right? Did you know there are different levels of friends? Let's discuss shall we?
First you have that casual aquaintance, you know that person that wants to be your friend but you're kinda like, 'ummm not so much'. Then we have the instant friend, this is the person that you meet once and you know you were meant to be buds that would have some really good times and if things went well they could become a bestie. Another level of friendship is the person that you initially thought you would be buds with and then over the course of your time together, you have a conversation with yourself that usually begins with 'why do I even talk to that person?' Now, if you're me, you feel like on some level you have to keep this friend around. As I have discussed in other blogs, I believe in psychics and mine is quite good. After time with my friend I asked my guru 'why can I not let this person go?' and her reply was that 'we had previous lives together and you feel bound.' I'm guessing that's why I still talk with this person after all this time. But as of late, it really has become more of me asking myself why. I may have to fade myself out of their life because it really is becoming hard to be positive about the friendship anymore.
Recently, I encountered another type of friendship. One that was fast and all encompassing. It made me happy and I think it made my friend happy as well. Then suddenly as soon as it started we parted. And honestly, it made me quite sad. Because I had really become attached to this person, the things we discussed were things a lot of my besties don't know. Like a lot of my close friends, I trusted this person, I felt safe, loved and completely off guard with them. I know I have walked away from friendships in the past, but when this did happen it was due to an incident or betrayal. With this friend, I didn't have that, at least not that I'm aware of. And when you have a really close, trusted friend and they walk away from you, it's hard, really hard. I don't know that I've been this sad or heartbroken in a very long time. And quite honestly, I didn't miss this hurt. My friend is not the devil and I'm not trying to paint that picture, but whatever the reason, it ended by their hand and I'd like to think my friend is feeling a little down that it ended as well. I could be wrong, pfft, what am I saying, I'm never wrong.
My point is just that we do have people who float in and out of our lives, some stay for longer than a minute and others do not. Whatever the reason we have to cherish what we did have and appreciate the friends who still want to be with us. Through the years I've accumulated a very tight, close group of people I am proud to be friends with. They all know I would walk through fire for them, well until it started to burn then I'm out. I cannot mess up my hair! And my peeps know I blog with love even if it is poked at their expense sometimes. Kiss Kiss.
First you have that casual aquaintance, you know that person that wants to be your friend but you're kinda like, 'ummm not so much'. Then we have the instant friend, this is the person that you meet once and you know you were meant to be buds that would have some really good times and if things went well they could become a bestie. Another level of friendship is the person that you initially thought you would be buds with and then over the course of your time together, you have a conversation with yourself that usually begins with 'why do I even talk to that person?' Now, if you're me, you feel like on some level you have to keep this friend around. As I have discussed in other blogs, I believe in psychics and mine is quite good. After time with my friend I asked my guru 'why can I not let this person go?' and her reply was that 'we had previous lives together and you feel bound.' I'm guessing that's why I still talk with this person after all this time. But as of late, it really has become more of me asking myself why. I may have to fade myself out of their life because it really is becoming hard to be positive about the friendship anymore.
Recently, I encountered another type of friendship. One that was fast and all encompassing. It made me happy and I think it made my friend happy as well. Then suddenly as soon as it started we parted. And honestly, it made me quite sad. Because I had really become attached to this person, the things we discussed were things a lot of my besties don't know. Like a lot of my close friends, I trusted this person, I felt safe, loved and completely off guard with them. I know I have walked away from friendships in the past, but when this did happen it was due to an incident or betrayal. With this friend, I didn't have that, at least not that I'm aware of. And when you have a really close, trusted friend and they walk away from you, it's hard, really hard. I don't know that I've been this sad or heartbroken in a very long time. And quite honestly, I didn't miss this hurt. My friend is not the devil and I'm not trying to paint that picture, but whatever the reason, it ended by their hand and I'd like to think my friend is feeling a little down that it ended as well. I could be wrong, pfft, what am I saying, I'm never wrong.
My point is just that we do have people who float in and out of our lives, some stay for longer than a minute and others do not. Whatever the reason we have to cherish what we did have and appreciate the friends who still want to be with us. Through the years I've accumulated a very tight, close group of people I am proud to be friends with. They all know I would walk through fire for them, well until it started to burn then I'm out. I cannot mess up my hair! And my peeps know I blog with love even if it is poked at their expense sometimes. Kiss Kiss.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Childhood Memories
As I have stated before, my sister and I are 10, yes count them, 10 years apart. She looks good for being older, I know, however, before she grew into her swan like self, she was a clingy, (ok, she still is that) snot that I got to babysit, without pay I might add. One summer in the lovely heat that is South Florida, she decided she wanted to take herself outside to play. We grew up in this 2 story apartment complex that had a sand pit and beyond the pit was the Intercoastal Waterway. This particular day she went to play in the pit, which I could view from our balcony as we were on the backside of this complex. I think she was about 3-4 so that made me negative 13-14. I'm watching my shows because let's face it, South Florida in the Summer gets bloody hot and I HATE to sweat unless I'm at the beach or pool. Some time passes and there is a knock on our door, it's the freaking cops WITH Debra. I have a heart attack but the Po-Po really isn't interested in me, he wants to talk with our MOTHER. Now, one thing you should know and I tell my kids this, the grandmother that stands before you is NOT the Mother I grew up with. Age has relaxed and calmed her considerably. The thought of waking my Mum up, she was a Nurse who worked the graveyard shift, before her wake up time was terrifying. I think at one point I told the Po-Po to just take me in because jail would be safer for me. He wasn't buying it.
I wake Mum up and tell her something snazzy like the cops are here. She gets up, quite happily too I might add, NOT, and goes to the door where they proceed to tell her that they found this lovely toddler at the ice cream store about 1/2 mile from our complex. Now, to be fair, we went all the time, she knew where she was and she really wasn't in any danger, promise. The clerks at our ice cream store then called the lovely North Palm Beach Po-Po because they recognized her but didn't exactly know where she lived. Well, thank God for her ID bracelet because that's how the cops were able to bring her home. Now, this story is funny, at least I think, but the thought that either of my little love muffins walking a foot much less 1/2 mile, give or take, without an adult scares the begesus out of me. However, their Auntie Eh-Eh was not really afraid of anything or anybody and honestly, she was cute enough to have been abducted but thankfully, that was not in her cards. She would have looked good on the milk carton though. I know I got into trouble but I guess my butt has healed because I really don't remember what the punishment was. But, it is another fun memory to throw around the dinner table when we discuss what a brat Debra was and sometimes still can be, like all of us. :)
I wake Mum up and tell her something snazzy like the cops are here. She gets up, quite happily too I might add, NOT, and goes to the door where they proceed to tell her that they found this lovely toddler at the ice cream store about 1/2 mile from our complex. Now, to be fair, we went all the time, she knew where she was and she really wasn't in any danger, promise. The clerks at our ice cream store then called the lovely North Palm Beach Po-Po because they recognized her but didn't exactly know where she lived. Well, thank God for her ID bracelet because that's how the cops were able to bring her home. Now, this story is funny, at least I think, but the thought that either of my little love muffins walking a foot much less 1/2 mile, give or take, without an adult scares the begesus out of me. However, their Auntie Eh-Eh was not really afraid of anything or anybody and honestly, she was cute enough to have been abducted but thankfully, that was not in her cards. She would have looked good on the milk carton though. I know I got into trouble but I guess my butt has healed because I really don't remember what the punishment was. But, it is another fun memory to throw around the dinner table when we discuss what a brat Debra was and sometimes still can be, like all of us. :)
Friday, January 4, 2013
2012 Recap
How do I start this blog off? hmmmm, well, I should warn you that today I'm in a very pissy mood and reflecting on the year of 2012, has just made me even more so. Since my divorce, ok well a few years after the divorce, I have tried to be the positive, optimistic person who lets things slide, well guess what people, those days are GONE. I am throwing my sister Debra, the baton for being the 'nice sister' because I no longer want it nor do I think it helped me in anyway. Growing up and into adulthood, I was always cautious, aloof, and stood to the side to watch how people interact and their behavior, I still do this but if something went down a negative slant, I would try to make excuses or reasons for these behaviors. Almost like it wasn't really their faults they were azzholes, or retards, or douchebags. But no longer. If you act like an azzhole, you really are one, there was nothing that 'made' you this way, you choose to continue this personality trait and clearly, are comfortable being this way. Same with being a dumbarse and a douchebag. Really the latter no one can help because you didn't get there over night. It was a long process and some that I have met, have it down to a T. Sad, but true and again, I will no longer look the other way, or make excuses for it. I will go back to calling people out for their actions. Miss Nice Princess has left this freaking building and she is NOT returning. Heed my warning doubters. Now, as long as you play nice and act right, you won't have any issues or run ins with me. My inner circle is safe, for now. But cross me and I will no longer give you a pass because you are in my inner circle. I used to be a fairly good judge in character, but recent years have chipped away at that. I'm still ok, but not like I used to be. I promise you I will work hard to getting back to 100% in that area as well.
Let me recap my 2012, the year started with my fam celebrating my parents 50th Anniversary, God love them because I could barely make it to 10, but I digress. The party was a wonderful night of laughs, drinks, stories, drinks, and pictures of their last 50 years as a couple. My kids were there as well as some very good friends who made the drive up to Chattanooga and one who came all the way from Denver, my parents are those people that your friends want to celebrate with. Good times. That quickly fell when my Dad had a small but critical vein issue. He had this problem a few years ago and surgery and recovery were smooth and he was back to his one liners and wine. However, this second surgery didn't go as well and we lost him due to complications in April. I cry as I type this, as you really never think the loss of a parent could affect you as greatly as it does. Thankfully, we still have my Mum, and she had better go nowhere in 2013, or I will kill her. :)......I made some new friends this year that are very close to me now. I lost a few friends that weren't besties, but I had some years, good times and events with, that left my crew. I am a firm believer that 'Everything Happens For A Reason' and sometimes there is no reason, no rhyme, no closure. I wasn't devastated at the friendship that was lost, because if I were I would have reached out and tried to make amends. You just get to the point where all the drama these people create is too much and I like to live low key. I'm not a drama starter, sometimes my sister says I 'stir the pot' but really it's because I can't keep my mouth shut sometimes. We have already established I have no filter, well alcohol really turns that off. I don't do or say anything hurtful, I just may say stuff and then realize, 'whoops, maybe I shouldn't have said that', but guess what after turning 900 this year, I don't foresee that changing, sorry peeps.
In closing, I feel much better that I have 'vomited' onto this blog, I actually think I can continue to be the "nice sister", unless I'm in a situation where being the 'bad girl' is warranted. Peace, Love and Kiss Kiss to all. Muah!
Let me recap my 2012, the year started with my fam celebrating my parents 50th Anniversary, God love them because I could barely make it to 10, but I digress. The party was a wonderful night of laughs, drinks, stories, drinks, and pictures of their last 50 years as a couple. My kids were there as well as some very good friends who made the drive up to Chattanooga and one who came all the way from Denver, my parents are those people that your friends want to celebrate with. Good times. That quickly fell when my Dad had a small but critical vein issue. He had this problem a few years ago and surgery and recovery were smooth and he was back to his one liners and wine. However, this second surgery didn't go as well and we lost him due to complications in April. I cry as I type this, as you really never think the loss of a parent could affect you as greatly as it does. Thankfully, we still have my Mum, and she had better go nowhere in 2013, or I will kill her. :)......I made some new friends this year that are very close to me now. I lost a few friends that weren't besties, but I had some years, good times and events with, that left my crew. I am a firm believer that 'Everything Happens For A Reason' and sometimes there is no reason, no rhyme, no closure. I wasn't devastated at the friendship that was lost, because if I were I would have reached out and tried to make amends. You just get to the point where all the drama these people create is too much and I like to live low key. I'm not a drama starter, sometimes my sister says I 'stir the pot' but really it's because I can't keep my mouth shut sometimes. We have already established I have no filter, well alcohol really turns that off. I don't do or say anything hurtful, I just may say stuff and then realize, 'whoops, maybe I shouldn't have said that', but guess what after turning 900 this year, I don't foresee that changing, sorry peeps.
In closing, I feel much better that I have 'vomited' onto this blog, I actually think I can continue to be the "nice sister", unless I'm in a situation where being the 'bad girl' is warranted. Peace, Love and Kiss Kiss to all. Muah!
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