I have lived in my house for 13 years now and of the 3 neighbors I speak with, I was the first here. When my other people moved in we all made nice, introduced ourselves etc. The family directly across from me, has two girls, so when my boys were younger the four of them would hang out. The freak to the left and across from me, is my issue. Now, Clem is a nice enough guy, never married and I found out is now retired for the last few years. Side note, if this guy had 3 girls locked in his house ala Cleveland, I would not be surprised. I don't know what his house looks like on the inside and I pray I never find out. Over the years Mr Clem, as I refer to him, is the neighbor where if you are out watering your plants, or painting your house or generally just freaking busy doing yard work, his happy arse will pop over and chit chat. Clearly, he cannot tell I'm busy. Grrrr and the Mrs. Rogers in me makes me stop what I'm doing and chat. And that pisses me off. I'm outside for a reason, not to catch up on the latest gossip or be interrogated like the Gestapo.
A few months ago, I went out for the first mow of the year, always a happy day for me as I really enjoy mowing. Great exercise and I feel such a sense of accomplishment when I am done. I am barely 3 rows in and here comes Mr Clem, oh joy. He starts off complaining about the neighbors barking dog, which I do concede is annoying as fuck. I cannot even hang outside on my deck bc she is barking the whole time and ruins even a beer buzz. After he is done with that issue, he moves along to asking me why I haven't been around. I look at him like he has 4 heads bc I am home every night after work so I'm perplexed as to what the hell he is speaking of. And I ask, "um, what? I'm here every night." He then says "Oh, I haven't seen you home and I thought you were spending the nights with your friend." (first of all, yes this is creepy that he watches over me, but after 13 years, eh, whatever, I'm used to it). Now at this point I have no clue what "friend" he is referring to and I stupidly ask, "What friend? Shelly?' and he says "No, the blond guy who drives the silver boxy car." Thankfully, I'm wearing my sunglasses so he can't see my eyes when I say "I don't know who you are referring to, none of my friends look like that." "Yes, you know the tall skinny guy." I keep my calm and say "Um, huh, yeah I don't remember anyone like that" for the record I know exactly whom he is talking about but I choose to ignore it. He then proceeds to move onto my sons. "I haven't seen the kids around either, if you need work done around the house, you know I will help". Now I'm pissed bc my boys are here every Tuesday/Wednesday for dinner and "Mum" time, so this A-hole has no clue what he is saying and I don't need him spying on me. I get away from him and then here comes the other guy Brent, who lives directly across from me with the two girls. He asks "Was Clem complaining about me?" Jesus, really people? I reply "No, we were talking about the dog etc", "OK good, bc I have chickens and I didn't know if he was talking about them." Christ, help a sista out down here, would you?
My deal is this, you do your thing, I'll do mine. I mind my business, please mind yours.
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