Do you ever wonder....

If the reason there is drama or strife, occasionally in your life, that you are the catalyst for it? Stay with me now:


So I had a best guy friend and last year he stopped talking to me. The reason I found out, was because I started drama and was rude and or difficult to his other friends. Now, at the time I was taken shocked because I never want to be the one people think starts drama. I don't care for drama and I don't gossip about others and when people tell me things I don't tell everyone else. But I recently had a falling out with another friend because I found out she was talking to other friends about me and when I asked her a specific question about a situation she told me a completely different answer than another friend. I have always stated that if I cant trust you, then I cant be friends with you. I know this seems harsh, or unreasonable but I don't think it's too much to ask that my inner circle be trust worthy, sorry, it shouldn't even be a thought.


I will cop to being less than friendly with other people.  I cant hide my feelings, so if I don't like you, it's very obvious. Again, sorry, but as Lady Gaga says "I was born this way". My face gives me away and I generally try to just stay away from you or ignore you. It's not me being rude it's my way of being nice to you by keeping my distance.


But with these situations it's had me pondering if I have invited this behavior. I try to be very Zen like and  firmly believe everything happens for a reason, completely believe in karma and try to maintain being a good hearted person (what little heart I have left) and do right by others and reach out to those I think may be having a hard time or just need a little virtual hug.  I think any of my current friends and ex friends would tell you that I am a damn great friend in that respect. I just try to be there for my people, it was how I was raised.


Having said all that, am I delusional, and I know I have been in the past with other relationships but this is different. Do I really not practice what I preach? Am I a hypocrite? Am I just as gossipy or butt my nose where it doesn't belong girl? Rest assured I will look inward to correct that and come out on the other side even more enlightened.


As always, thank you for reading and kiss kiss hug hug.. Till we meet again.