Things I've learned in the last 900 years of being me

As I reflect on stupid mistakes, or uninformed errors, I have come to realize that like the highways that lead us to our physical destinations,  little clues from interactions with people,  lead us on our personal highways. Below are just a smidgen of the ones I have remembered to really listen to in the future and they are in no particular order, just as I recalled them to write them down:

1. If someone tells you "I want it all, I want to be a kid in a candy store and I want you", tell Willy Wonka adios.

2. If someone appears selfish initially, she really is THAT selfish in the long run.

3. If you only hear from someone at their convenience, they are not a friend.

4. If your physical therapist, whom you've maybe had 2 convo's with, tells you to "slow down and enjoy life because if you don't God will slow you down himself",  I'm thinking that's a sign I'm not supposed to work 7 days a week.

5. That old saying that we all had posters of on our bedroom wall, "If you love something set it free" etc, it's actually quite spot on. Because if somebody truly cares about you, loves you, needs you, they will go out of their way to get you back and let you know just how much they care. Now, I'm not saying you want them back, and it could get quite messy if you no longer feel the same, but that's a different blog.

6. Time really does fly. When my first beloved was born, the first most amazing day of my life, other Mom's and my own parents said "treasure these days as they will grow up before you know it", and side bar, I actually teared up writing that line, sniff, where was I? Oh right, SQUIRREL!  They really do seem like only yesterday. But now he is a tall, strapping man of 20. And I'm an old hag looking on the down side of death. Oh joy. (sarcasm)

I don't even know where to begin...

A few months ago, I was moping about a friend that I missed and the great fun we had last fall, right? Well, I still had contact with said friend, we will call him Mason, because I stupidly, really thought we had cultivated a friendship. I grant you that I can be naive but this blows naivety out of the frickin window. OK, like I said, Mason and I were still talking, no longer hanging out but we were friendly and would catch up with each other. Last month Mason gets back together with his on again off again love, I  was truly happy for him. I knew their break up was hard on him as we had discussions about it. Look, anytime my friends fall in love or get back together with 'the one' I am all for it, my feelings aside, truly.

Last night I met a side of Mason that I never even knew existed. You know how they say 'never judge a book by it's cover?' Well, if he's in a band, you can, because the stereotype is there for a reason ladies, especially if he is the lead singer. I'm out with my sons and their friend for dinner, always a good time, and I get a text from Mason. Very nice since he had been out of the country doing some gigs. I was excited to hear about the trip, the weather etc. We get that aside and he goes into sleaze mode. When Mason and I were hanging out last fall, we had very good evening convo's, so I'm not going to sit here and say I'm a prude, however, once another is in the picture, you are a FRIEND and I don't have those discussions with you anymore. When I told Mason this, he gets snippy, quite hilarious actually, and I convey that him being with his gf, this isn't happening and I was pissed he would even think I was some whore he could have these talks with. Excuse me, I am a Princess, and you are NOT going to play me for a fool or worse, a number. Move on down the alphabet my love. When I call him out for having the gf his reply was, and I'm quoting here, "we're working  on things...yea so". If he had been standing in front of me I would have slapped him. One of "their" and I mean his issues was he had broken her trust. Gee, really, color me shocked. ;p....I say "why would you chance losing her with this talk then?" Clearly, he didn't like this calling out because he comes back with "harmless fun..don't get so offended".  There were so many offenses last night that I couldn't even point to just one. What did I learn last night? When a guy says to you early on, "I'm a bad guy" frickin listen to him, he's not lying, he is telling you he is a scum wad. Unfortunately, his niceness shadowed that for a very long time with me. And since I considered us friends, I never thought I would see this side, which come to think of it, he doesn't have just two sides, he has ummmm, 5? But I also realized, we aren't friends, not in the tradition I see friendships in. I was and am just a number in his heavy Rolodex, but no longer. I see him for what he truly is now and I can never unsee that.

To Date or Not to Date...well for me it's always NOT

I enjoy listening to my friends, male and female, discuss their dates and or dating life. It confirms why I have chosen to not date in seven years, yes, I said seven years. And to qualify, 'hanging out' and 'dating' are two different things. Dating you have 'relations',  hanging out, you do not. :)....stopped you all before you even said "bullshiz". lol

Anyhoo, I have friends who do the online dating sites, which if nothing else, is pure comedy for all of us on a Friday or Saturday night. My one guy friend gets these weird messages every weekend and we have a game we play to see what type of person has "poked" him. I think I'm winning actually. But he trudges on ever seeking that one connection he wants to feel. I mean I get that aspect of it, but the crap you have to shovel through, is so not worth it to moi. I am really happy hanging with my peeps and my kids. I can come and go as I wish, which was a huge issue when I was married or in a few relationships. I was lucky with the last one, he did his thing and I did mine but we still made time for each other. Guess that's why we were back and forth for 5 years. But alas, both of us have moved on and we are better people for the time we did have. Well he is for sure, me I don't know. hahahahahah. As I was saying, I love when my friends  would say " I don't like drama" yet every relationship they cultivated, wreaked in heavy drama. Coincidence? I think not, it's not them honey, it's all you and your psychoness. But those are ex friends so I no longer have to listen to either of them drone on. Oy!

I recently met a few lovely ladies, who are both smart, attractive, funny, have their own things going on, both are gainfully employed and are not looking for Sugar Daddies, but just a nice guy to share their life with. You would think they were asking for the Hope diamond to be set at their feet. I just don't get it. One gets asked out quite a bit, but she likes another so she doesn't really go. The other, is like me, we don't get approached and quite honestly, we are both super fine with that. I work at my 'leave me the f*ck alone' vibe, I promise. If I'm out with my friends, I am not looking to hook up with anyone, other than my friends. So bah bye for you now. I'm not rude if someone does talk to me, but I keep it completely friendly. I can be a total bitch, but as long as you aren't rude or obnoxious, I'm good.

When I was in high school, my Mum used to encourage me to go out with guys I really had no interest in. Her motto was and still is "you never know who you might meet out". Newsflash, I have never met another while on a date. I personally, find that rude and ungracious not to mention tacky. Oh and did I mention bad karma????  But as I listen to my peeps and their stories, which by the way, are always entertaining and hilarious especially this one having to do with a parking lot, I really wish that one of those times, that date will turn out to be their "one". I pray every night for all of my single friends to find everlasting love because in the end, I want all of my pals to be happy. And if a mate makes them happy, then I will do whatever I can or needs to be done to make it happen. I'm just that kind of girl. You want to meet a cute boy/girl, point him out and I am on my way to getting that person for you. All they have to do is ask, or sometimes just say 'Hey that person is cute' and off I go.

Life Observations

Sometimes in life, we deal with people who think they know what's best for you. THINK being the operative word here. I don't give much thought to most people and their opinions, even if they are blood. As of late, I have decided to adopt the just say nothing theory. Which, if you know me, isn't an easy thing for moi to do. But as I've reached 900 years of living, people and their comments, tirades, judgements, just don't matter to me anymore. I was debating having a conversation with one person after their judgemental texts and comments and then I thought, 'why bother?' It's not going to change my thinking, her thinking and the only thing it will  accomplish is  keeping  the words flying around. And I just don't care to rehash the same old convo, or diatribe. Walking away just seems to be the best option for me. No muss, no fuss.

This past Thursday, April 11, 2013, was the 1 year anniversary of my Dad's passing. On some level it seems longer and another it seems like yesterday. I started the day off pretty much the same way I did the year before. I woke up and started packing up the dresser I missed, I packed up his bathroom with the stuff I had left and I did the closets. I found some books about the history of the Gators and the Dodgers. Luckily, I have friends with these interests so the books found a good home. I packed up the Dolphin items I found and again, I have a friend with that interest. Dad would be pleased that we were able to pass them along to our friends. My Dad was all about sharing with those you love and care about. My Dad was a quiet man when he wasn't drinking. He kept to himself and talked softly. But a few drinks in and he was the life of the party. Talking to anyone and everyone, laughing (loudly) and he always had a big smile on his face. My Dad was a fun guy to talk with. You liked his teams and you were never getting out of a convo. He could go on and on about the Gators, Dodgers, Timmy Tebow, Danny Marino, Shula, omg, you name it. My Dad was well versed in different interests. He liked watching the Weather Channel, on mute no less, which used to annoy the living crap out of the rest of us. I get annoyed when I watch local news and they show the weather at the airport, my comment ALWAYS is 'NO ONE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, WHO CARES WHAT THE WEATHER IS THERE?' My ex would just laugh at me, but it seemed like a stupid point to make with us viewers.

My Mum has decided, now that the year has come and gone, that she will sell the Chattanooga house and move closer to her daughters and grand kids. I, for one, cannot wait. It will be nice to have her for regular weekly dinners or have her close enough if the kids want to go visit. My Mum is a spry 75 year old, but like all of us know, life is short. Shizz happens in the blink of an eye. Wouldn't it be nicer to be 15 minutes away vs 2:15 minutes away? I vote yes.

February 19, 1993

That is the day I became a Mum for the first time. Now, I had dogs, but this was THE time I gave birth to another human. My flesh, my blood and my tears. I like to tell my sons how I was gutted so that both of them could have life. A little dramatic, sure, but funny as hell too. They laugh and just look at me like "OMG Shut UP!" What more could a Mum ask for? hahahahaha.

It was 2ish am and I had had contractions for 2 hours regularly. I call in and they tell me  to hike my  cookies to Northside. THE baby hospital in the ATL. My baby daddy and I get into the car and drive the 30 minutes to Atlanta. I will tell you that my ex was very disappointed because there was no traffic and he really wanted to run red lights and speed. Probably the only time he did speed was this time and when I had Spencer. The man drives slower than my dead grandma, which is why I always drove. However, for some reason, didn't really feel like driving while I was having gut wrenching contractions.

Anyhoo, we get to the hospital and they admit us and I put on that Donna Karan hospital gown, tres chic. Another thing you should know about my ex, he is the worst in scary situations. The man was and is the last person you should count on to help you keep it together, he was such a girl when the earthquakes hit in California. But I digress, so he is pacing like a dumbarse and I am calm, AND I'M THE ONE WHO THINKS SHE IS PUSHING THIS BABY OUT OF HER VA-JAY JAY. Just saying.  The nurse wants to 'take a look' weirdo, I know. And then utters the worst words a nurse can say to a first time Mum to be, "I don't like what I'm feeling." I'm sorry, let me change it up for you hag. So she brings in another nurse and they agree, yes, somethings a foot. Grrreat!! Can we call in the passerbys too and let them have a feel while we're all up in there? Now, they have brought in an IV, just in case, and my ex has called my Mum to tell her what's going on. Two points I must make at this juncture. 1) When I first told my Mum that I was due in February, her first comments were, "any day but the 19th because I have to be out of town for a conference". Guess what, Skyler didn't care about her time table. 2) My Mum is a nurse, so you can imagine the panic in her voice when her first born, that would be me, was going into labor. OK, so after the "not liking" nurses get done they send in the hottest Ob/Gyn I have ever laid eyes on. Those of you who have kids you know you don't look good, and you don't feel good and the last thing you want is a hottie doc checking out your privates. Oh, and he brought 3 interns with him, well Yahtzee! Let's all have a party, shall we? He checks me and yep, he's not liking it either. It's a good thing my va jay-jay didn't get a complex from all these negative Nelly's, but she survived as did I. OK, so now he wants to bring in the ultra sound machine so he can visualize where our bundle of joy is. Um hello, why don't we ask the one who is carrying him, I could tell you. The ultra sound shows baby right side up, he was down and in position not 8 hours prior, and oh yeah, sucking his thumb with his head up. Dr Hottie decides he cannot try to turn him, which quite honestly, sounded more painful then pushing his ass out. So guess what? Let's scrub her up for a C-section. Oh boy! I get to be sliced open, yay!
As soon as they put that epidural in me, I went white and started shaking from the cold. "Is  this  normal?"  I  ask "sure, sometimes" is what I get. Now, at this point I want my freaking Mum because now I'm scared and my ex is of no use to me. My Mum and sister walk in, and Mum takes one look at the hottie doc and tells my sister to 'go put some make up on', REALLY???? Mind you said doc has just returned from his honeymoon, so Debra wasn't going to make any strides there. But typical Mummy, said with love of course. Now that we are all here, my Dad was coming up later, they wheel my ashen, freezing arse to the OR. I'm shivering and they have the gall to tell me to stop moving. Sure, as soon as you warm my arse up, I will jackhole. At 10:04 AM, my beautiful blond 7 pound 21 inch son was born. He was the most  amazing  thing I had ever seen, until beloved #2 was born. Completely worth the splotches I got on my face, the pre-eclampsia I got and the 45 pounds I gained. He was completely perfect and still is.

Tomorrow this number 1 son turns 20. I remember his birth like it was yesterday. I cannot help but tear at the memory and the pictures of that day. Because of Skyler Robert Mikhail Tisland, I am a Mum. Your first child is always special because they are your first. You learned together. If he dropped his pacifier you scalded that puppy before giving it to him. When Spencer came along I blew on it and stuffed it back into his yap. They both survived babydom so I guess I did OK. I live for both of my sons, I would walk into fire, a hurricane, a twister and a tsunami if it meant saving them from harm. They are my life, loves, and my blood. I cannot ever thank either of them enough for choosing me as their Mum. Happy Birthday Skyler! I love you more than anything. You complete me.

Things that piss me off!

First of all, let me start by saying I have mellowed quite a bit from my younger quick tempered self. However, there are still a few things that will send me over a couch to smack the crap out of you if you do the following:

1) It would be in your best interest and your health, to NOT tell me what I need to do or to tell me that I    CAN'T do something or DON'T do something. I will flip on you faster than Shamu on a trainer. No joke. I even think my eyes turn red with fire too. I'm just warning you.

2) If I call you and ask you to return the call, which I rarely do unless it's IMPORTANT, you might want to return said phone call. If you don't, I cannot be held responsible for my attitude the next time you want to chat.

3) If I text you, whether it be a question or just a comment, be nice and polite and reply back. If you don't, you are on the fast track of being deleted. Now, if that's what you are going for, then continue to be an asshat, that's fine. This one has no bearing on whether you are family, a lover and or bestie. It's universal is what I am saying.

4) If I have not asked your opinion on my hair, shirt whatever, DON'T GIVE ME YOUR OPINION. Unless it's a compliment then by all means, gush away, I have no problems with that. But I don't need "oh, I don't really like your hair color", um yeah, I don't recall asking you. Just walk away, it seems best and safer for you.

5) People who hang on me, and I did not invite that behavior. I'm not that touchy feely and I don't need you to 'claim' me on any level, thanks, again, keep moving.

6) Smokers who stand right outside a restaurant or bar and hover instead of letting us non smokers breathe fresh, OK semi fresh air. One night I will have a blow horn, and it won't be pretty, I'm just saying.

7) People who belittle other people just for sport. Yeah, no.

8) People who run their mouth about nothing and then are sweet to your face. Another reason why my "inner circle" is so small. I know whom I can trust. And if you aren't "in" I don't.

9) Girls who look me up and down when I walk into the bathroom. Once is sufficient, I get it, you haven't see a real live Princess before, but when you continue this? You are about to get a verbal beat down or the world famous "Korol" look and I will just get beyond rude, it has happened and it almost happened last night. I'm not a fighter or provoke such things, however, if you are going to be a little bitch, it's on.

10) People who know it all. NO ONE knows it's all, so shut up, none of us want to hear you spout off about crap we all know you don't know jack about.

Have a beautimus weekend people!

My Beloveds

Like any Mum, my children are my life, my deepest loves and my world. As they have aged I may not be with them as much as I once was, but they know I love, adore and live for them. When my first beloved, Skyler, was given to me, I had this instant feeling of not needing anyone else in the world. With him in my arms, he completed me. That's when I realized I no longer wanted to be married to his father. I had such an overwhelming love of immense strength, he was all I cared about. I stuck it out as I knew I wouldn't marry again and I didn't want him to be an only child. I was one for 10 years and as much as I complain about my sister, I really didn't like being a lone child. However, now maybe I wouldn't mind it. Just kidding Debra.

Skyler was the cutest, most out going child ever. (its my blog I can say what I want) No child was sweeter, more happy, or just plain animated than my Skyler. He was truly a gift from the Angels. I still believe both my sons are and I will go to the grave believing that. Since I thought my son was so perfect and fearless, I wanted him to model, the boy had/has the looks. When I took him in to audition for a local talent agency, she came back and asked to sign him for acting because he was so animated and without hesitation. His very first gig was when Children's Hospital and Scottish Rite merged, some 15 years ago. Skyler was just under 3 maybe just 4, but with this job he got his SAG card. When we got his royalty check we took him to Toys R Us and let him buy whatever he wanted. We explained to him that he worked for this reward but subsequent monies we would invest or save. The one thing my ex was always good at was picking investments and saving money. He continued on that path until he was around 8 or 9 then decided he didn't want to do it anymore. Okie dokie, whatever you want SkylerRoo.

Once he got to high school, he chose Drama as his extracurricular and took that all 4 years of school. Now again, I know EVERY mother says this, but this kid has talent. When he's on stage whether it be a Drama or a Comedy, he owns the stage. He has a presence and his speak is effortless. You honestly believe he is the character. He is now in his 2nd year of college, thank you Jesus, but there isn't a Drama course where he attends. I'm hoping he will gravitate back towards it. He is 6'2+ and I tell him he could walk the runway or do side modeling gigs or whatever he wants to do. I am not a stage mother by any means, I just want both my sons to be happy and fulfilled and do what they love doing for their careers.

Last night my second beloved, Spencer, graced the high school Drama stage for the very first time. His role was as the Giant. Again, I was so proud of the way he took command of the stage and knowing his lines and just having a blast being the Giant. I am a very humbled, proud, grateful Mum of my two boys. They will never get just how much I depend on their humor, sarcasm (oh yes, both are fluent) love and support. They are always a prize in my eyes.