Sometimes in life, we deal with people who think they know what's best for you. THINK being the operative word here. I don't give much thought to most people and their opinions, even if they are blood. As of late, I have decided to adopt the just say nothing theory. Which, if you know me, isn't an easy thing for moi to do. But as I've reached 900 years of living, people and their comments, tirades, judgements, just don't matter to me anymore. I was debating having a conversation with one person after their judgemental texts and comments and then I thought, 'why bother?' It's not going to change my thinking, her thinking and the only thing it will accomplish is keeping the words flying around. And I just don't care to rehash the same old convo, or diatribe. Walking away just seems to be the best option for me. No muss, no fuss.
This past Thursday, April 11, 2013, was the 1 year anniversary of my Dad's passing. On some level it seems longer and another it seems like yesterday. I started the day off pretty much the same way I did the year before. I woke up and started packing up the dresser I missed, I packed up his bathroom with the stuff I had left and I did the closets. I found some books about the history of the Gators and the Dodgers. Luckily, I have friends with these interests so the books found a good home. I packed up the Dolphin items I found and again, I have a friend with that interest. Dad would be pleased that we were able to pass them along to our friends. My Dad was all about sharing with those you love and care about. My Dad was a quiet man when he wasn't drinking. He kept to himself and talked softly. But a few drinks in and he was the life of the party. Talking to anyone and everyone, laughing (loudly) and he always had a big smile on his face. My Dad was a fun guy to talk with. You liked his teams and you were never getting out of a convo. He could go on and on about the Gators, Dodgers, Timmy Tebow, Danny Marino, Shula, omg, you name it. My Dad was well versed in different interests. He liked watching the Weather Channel, on mute no less, which used to annoy the living crap out of the rest of us. I get annoyed when I watch local news and they show the weather at the airport, my comment ALWAYS is 'NO ONE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, WHO CARES WHAT THE WEATHER IS THERE?' My ex would just laugh at me, but it seemed like a stupid point to make with us viewers.
My Mum has decided, now that the year has come and gone, that she will sell the Chattanooga house and move closer to her daughters and grand kids. I, for one, cannot wait. It will be nice to have her for regular weekly dinners or have her close enough if the kids want to go visit. My Mum is a spry 75 year old, but like all of us know, life is short. Shizz happens in the blink of an eye. Wouldn't it be nicer to be 15 minutes away vs 2:15 minutes away? I vote yes.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
February 19, 1993
That is the day I became a Mum for the first time. Now, I had dogs, but this was THE time I gave birth to another human. My flesh, my blood and my tears. I like to tell my sons how I was gutted so that both of them could have life. A little dramatic, sure, but funny as hell too. They laugh and just look at me like "OMG Shut UP!" What more could a Mum ask for? hahahahaha.
It was 2ish am and I had had contractions for 2 hours regularly. I call in and they tell me to hike my cookies to Northside. THE baby hospital in the ATL. My baby daddy and I get into the car and drive the 30 minutes to Atlanta. I will tell you that my ex was very disappointed because there was no traffic and he really wanted to run red lights and speed. Probably the only time he did speed was this time and when I had Spencer. The man drives slower than my dead grandma, which is why I always drove. However, for some reason, didn't really feel like driving while I was having gut wrenching contractions.
Anyhoo, we get to the hospital and they admit us and I put on that Donna Karan hospital gown, tres chic. Another thing you should know about my ex, he is the worst in scary situations. The man was and is the last person you should count on to help you keep it together, he was such a girl when the earthquakes hit in California. But I digress, so he is pacing like a dumbarse and I am calm, AND I'M THE ONE WHO THINKS SHE IS PUSHING THIS BABY OUT OF HER VA-JAY JAY. Just saying. The nurse wants to 'take a look' weirdo, I know. And then utters the worst words a nurse can say to a first time Mum to be, "I don't like what I'm feeling." I'm sorry, let me change it up for you hag. So she brings in another nurse and they agree, yes, somethings a foot. Grrreat!! Can we call in the passerbys too and let them have a feel while we're all up in there? Now, they have brought in an IV, just in case, and my ex has called my Mum to tell her what's going on. Two points I must make at this juncture. 1) When I first told my Mum that I was due in February, her first comments were, "any day but the 19th because I have to be out of town for a conference". Guess what, Skyler didn't care about her time table. 2) My Mum is a nurse, so you can imagine the panic in her voice when her first born, that would be me, was going into labor. OK, so after the "not liking" nurses get done they send in the hottest Ob/Gyn I have ever laid eyes on. Those of you who have kids you know you don't look good, and you don't feel good and the last thing you want is a hottie doc checking out your privates. Oh, and he brought 3 interns with him, well Yahtzee! Let's all have a party, shall we? He checks me and yep, he's not liking it either. It's a good thing my va jay-jay didn't get a complex from all these negative Nelly's, but she survived as did I. OK, so now he wants to bring in the ultra sound machine so he can visualize where our bundle of joy is. Um hello, why don't we ask the one who is carrying him, I could tell you. The ultra sound shows baby right side up, he was down and in position not 8 hours prior, and oh yeah, sucking his thumb with his head up. Dr Hottie decides he cannot try to turn him, which quite honestly, sounded more painful then pushing his ass out. So guess what? Let's scrub her up for a C-section. Oh boy! I get to be sliced open, yay!
As soon as they put that epidural in me, I went white and started shaking from the cold. "Is this normal?" I ask "sure, sometimes" is what I get. Now, at this point I want my freaking Mum because now I'm scared and my ex is of no use to me. My Mum and sister walk in, and Mum takes one look at the hottie doc and tells my sister to 'go put some make up on', REALLY???? Mind you said doc has just returned from his honeymoon, so Debra wasn't going to make any strides there. But typical Mummy, said with love of course. Now that we are all here, my Dad was coming up later, they wheel my ashen, freezing arse to the OR. I'm shivering and they have the gall to tell me to stop moving. Sure, as soon as you warm my arse up, I will jackhole. At 10:04 AM, my beautiful blond 7 pound 21 inch son was born. He was the most amazing thing I had ever seen, until beloved #2 was born. Completely worth the splotches I got on my face, the pre-eclampsia I got and the 45 pounds I gained. He was completely perfect and still is.
Tomorrow this number 1 son turns 20. I remember his birth like it was yesterday. I cannot help but tear at the memory and the pictures of that day. Because of Skyler Robert Mikhail Tisland, I am a Mum. Your first child is always special because they are your first. You learned together. If he dropped his pacifier you scalded that puppy before giving it to him. When Spencer came along I blew on it and stuffed it back into his yap. They both survived babydom so I guess I did OK. I live for both of my sons, I would walk into fire, a hurricane, a twister and a tsunami if it meant saving them from harm. They are my life, loves, and my blood. I cannot ever thank either of them enough for choosing me as their Mum. Happy Birthday Skyler! I love you more than anything. You complete me.
It was 2ish am and I had had contractions for 2 hours regularly. I call in and they tell me to hike my cookies to Northside. THE baby hospital in the ATL. My baby daddy and I get into the car and drive the 30 minutes to Atlanta. I will tell you that my ex was very disappointed because there was no traffic and he really wanted to run red lights and speed. Probably the only time he did speed was this time and when I had Spencer. The man drives slower than my dead grandma, which is why I always drove. However, for some reason, didn't really feel like driving while I was having gut wrenching contractions.
Anyhoo, we get to the hospital and they admit us and I put on that Donna Karan hospital gown, tres chic. Another thing you should know about my ex, he is the worst in scary situations. The man was and is the last person you should count on to help you keep it together, he was such a girl when the earthquakes hit in California. But I digress, so he is pacing like a dumbarse and I am calm, AND I'M THE ONE WHO THINKS SHE IS PUSHING THIS BABY OUT OF HER VA-JAY JAY. Just saying. The nurse wants to 'take a look' weirdo, I know. And then utters the worst words a nurse can say to a first time Mum to be, "I don't like what I'm feeling." I'm sorry, let me change it up for you hag. So she brings in another nurse and they agree, yes, somethings a foot. Grrreat!! Can we call in the passerbys too and let them have a feel while we're all up in there? Now, they have brought in an IV, just in case, and my ex has called my Mum to tell her what's going on. Two points I must make at this juncture. 1) When I first told my Mum that I was due in February, her first comments were, "any day but the 19th because I have to be out of town for a conference". Guess what, Skyler didn't care about her time table. 2) My Mum is a nurse, so you can imagine the panic in her voice when her first born, that would be me, was going into labor. OK, so after the "not liking" nurses get done they send in the hottest Ob/Gyn I have ever laid eyes on. Those of you who have kids you know you don't look good, and you don't feel good and the last thing you want is a hottie doc checking out your privates. Oh, and he brought 3 interns with him, well Yahtzee! Let's all have a party, shall we? He checks me and yep, he's not liking it either. It's a good thing my va jay-jay didn't get a complex from all these negative Nelly's, but she survived as did I. OK, so now he wants to bring in the ultra sound machine so he can visualize where our bundle of joy is. Um hello, why don't we ask the one who is carrying him, I could tell you. The ultra sound shows baby right side up, he was down and in position not 8 hours prior, and oh yeah, sucking his thumb with his head up. Dr Hottie decides he cannot try to turn him, which quite honestly, sounded more painful then pushing his ass out. So guess what? Let's scrub her up for a C-section. Oh boy! I get to be sliced open, yay!
As soon as they put that epidural in me, I went white and started shaking from the cold. "Is this normal?" I ask "sure, sometimes" is what I get. Now, at this point I want my freaking Mum because now I'm scared and my ex is of no use to me. My Mum and sister walk in, and Mum takes one look at the hottie doc and tells my sister to 'go put some make up on', REALLY???? Mind you said doc has just returned from his honeymoon, so Debra wasn't going to make any strides there. But typical Mummy, said with love of course. Now that we are all here, my Dad was coming up later, they wheel my ashen, freezing arse to the OR. I'm shivering and they have the gall to tell me to stop moving. Sure, as soon as you warm my arse up, I will jackhole. At 10:04 AM, my beautiful blond 7 pound 21 inch son was born. He was the most amazing thing I had ever seen, until beloved #2 was born. Completely worth the splotches I got on my face, the pre-eclampsia I got and the 45 pounds I gained. He was completely perfect and still is.
Tomorrow this number 1 son turns 20. I remember his birth like it was yesterday. I cannot help but tear at the memory and the pictures of that day. Because of Skyler Robert Mikhail Tisland, I am a Mum. Your first child is always special because they are your first. You learned together. If he dropped his pacifier you scalded that puppy before giving it to him. When Spencer came along I blew on it and stuffed it back into his yap. They both survived babydom so I guess I did OK. I live for both of my sons, I would walk into fire, a hurricane, a twister and a tsunami if it meant saving them from harm. They are my life, loves, and my blood. I cannot ever thank either of them enough for choosing me as their Mum. Happy Birthday Skyler! I love you more than anything. You complete me.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Things that piss me off!
First of all, let me start by saying I have mellowed quite a bit from my younger quick tempered self. However, there are still a few things that will send me over a couch to smack the crap out of you if you do the following:
1) It would be in your best interest and your health, to NOT tell me what I need to do or to tell me that I CAN'T do something or DON'T do something. I will flip on you faster than Shamu on a trainer. No joke. I even think my eyes turn red with fire too. I'm just warning you.
2) If I call you and ask you to return the call, which I rarely do unless it's IMPORTANT, you might want to return said phone call. If you don't, I cannot be held responsible for my attitude the next time you want to chat.
3) If I text you, whether it be a question or just a comment, be nice and polite and reply back. If you don't, you are on the fast track of being deleted. Now, if that's what you are going for, then continue to be an asshat, that's fine. This one has no bearing on whether you are family, a lover and or bestie. It's universal is what I am saying.
4) If I have not asked your opinion on my hair, shirt whatever, DON'T GIVE ME YOUR OPINION. Unless it's a compliment then by all means, gush away, I have no problems with that. But I don't need "oh, I don't really like your hair color", um yeah, I don't recall asking you. Just walk away, it seems best and safer for you.
5) People who hang on me, and I did not invite that behavior. I'm not that touchy feely and I don't need you to 'claim' me on any level, thanks, again, keep moving.
6) Smokers who stand right outside a restaurant or bar and hover instead of letting us non smokers breathe fresh, OK semi fresh air. One night I will have a blow horn, and it won't be pretty, I'm just saying.
7) People who belittle other people just for sport. Yeah, no.
8) People who run their mouth about nothing and then are sweet to your face. Another reason why my "inner circle" is so small. I know whom I can trust. And if you aren't "in" I don't.
9) Girls who look me up and down when I walk into the bathroom. Once is sufficient, I get it, you haven't see a real live Princess before, but when you continue this? You are about to get a verbal beat down or the world famous "Korol" look and I will just get beyond rude, it has happened and it almost happened last night. I'm not a fighter or provoke such things, however, if you are going to be a little bitch, it's on.
10) People who know it all. NO ONE knows it's all, so shut up, none of us want to hear you spout off about crap we all know you don't know jack about.
Have a beautimus weekend people!
1) It would be in your best interest and your health, to NOT tell me what I need to do or to tell me that I CAN'T do something or DON'T do something. I will flip on you faster than Shamu on a trainer. No joke. I even think my eyes turn red with fire too. I'm just warning you.
2) If I call you and ask you to return the call, which I rarely do unless it's IMPORTANT, you might want to return said phone call. If you don't, I cannot be held responsible for my attitude the next time you want to chat.
3) If I text you, whether it be a question or just a comment, be nice and polite and reply back. If you don't, you are on the fast track of being deleted. Now, if that's what you are going for, then continue to be an asshat, that's fine. This one has no bearing on whether you are family, a lover and or bestie. It's universal is what I am saying.
4) If I have not asked your opinion on my hair, shirt whatever, DON'T GIVE ME YOUR OPINION. Unless it's a compliment then by all means, gush away, I have no problems with that. But I don't need "oh, I don't really like your hair color", um yeah, I don't recall asking you. Just walk away, it seems best and safer for you.
5) People who hang on me, and I did not invite that behavior. I'm not that touchy feely and I don't need you to 'claim' me on any level, thanks, again, keep moving.
6) Smokers who stand right outside a restaurant or bar and hover instead of letting us non smokers breathe fresh, OK semi fresh air. One night I will have a blow horn, and it won't be pretty, I'm just saying.
7) People who belittle other people just for sport. Yeah, no.
8) People who run their mouth about nothing and then are sweet to your face. Another reason why my "inner circle" is so small. I know whom I can trust. And if you aren't "in" I don't.
9) Girls who look me up and down when I walk into the bathroom. Once is sufficient, I get it, you haven't see a real live Princess before, but when you continue this? You are about to get a verbal beat down or the world famous "Korol" look and I will just get beyond rude, it has happened and it almost happened last night. I'm not a fighter or provoke such things, however, if you are going to be a little bitch, it's on.
10) People who know it all. NO ONE knows it's all, so shut up, none of us want to hear you spout off about crap we all know you don't know jack about.
Have a beautimus weekend people!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
My Beloveds
Like any Mum, my children are my life, my deepest loves and my world. As they have aged I may not be with them as much as I once was, but they know I love, adore and live for them. When my first beloved, Skyler, was given to me, I had this instant feeling of not needing anyone else in the world. With him in my arms, he completed me. That's when I realized I no longer wanted to be married to his father. I had such an overwhelming love of immense strength, he was all I cared about. I stuck it out as I knew I wouldn't marry again and I didn't want him to be an only child. I was one for 10 years and as much as I complain about my sister, I really didn't like being a lone child. However, now maybe I wouldn't mind it. Just kidding Debra.
Skyler was the cutest, most out going child ever. (its my blog I can say what I want) No child was sweeter, more happy, or just plain animated than my Skyler. He was truly a gift from the Angels. I still believe both my sons are and I will go to the grave believing that. Since I thought my son was so perfect and fearless, I wanted him to model, the boy had/has the looks. When I took him in to audition for a local talent agency, she came back and asked to sign him for acting because he was so animated and without hesitation. His very first gig was when Children's Hospital and Scottish Rite merged, some 15 years ago. Skyler was just under 3 maybe just 4, but with this job he got his SAG card. When we got his royalty check we took him to Toys R Us and let him buy whatever he wanted. We explained to him that he worked for this reward but subsequent monies we would invest or save. The one thing my ex was always good at was picking investments and saving money. He continued on that path until he was around 8 or 9 then decided he didn't want to do it anymore. Okie dokie, whatever you want SkylerRoo.
Once he got to high school, he chose Drama as his extracurricular and took that all 4 years of school. Now again, I know EVERY mother says this, but this kid has talent. When he's on stage whether it be a Drama or a Comedy, he owns the stage. He has a presence and his speak is effortless. You honestly believe he is the character. He is now in his 2nd year of college, thank you Jesus, but there isn't a Drama course where he attends. I'm hoping he will gravitate back towards it. He is 6'2+ and I tell him he could walk the runway or do side modeling gigs or whatever he wants to do. I am not a stage mother by any means, I just want both my sons to be happy and fulfilled and do what they love doing for their careers.
Last night my second beloved, Spencer, graced the high school Drama stage for the very first time. His role was as the Giant. Again, I was so proud of the way he took command of the stage and knowing his lines and just having a blast being the Giant. I am a very humbled, proud, grateful Mum of my two boys. They will never get just how much I depend on their humor, sarcasm (oh yes, both are fluent) love and support. They are always a prize in my eyes.
Skyler was the cutest, most out going child ever. (its my blog I can say what I want) No child was sweeter, more happy, or just plain animated than my Skyler. He was truly a gift from the Angels. I still believe both my sons are and I will go to the grave believing that. Since I thought my son was so perfect and fearless, I wanted him to model, the boy had/has the looks. When I took him in to audition for a local talent agency, she came back and asked to sign him for acting because he was so animated and without hesitation. His very first gig was when Children's Hospital and Scottish Rite merged, some 15 years ago. Skyler was just under 3 maybe just 4, but with this job he got his SAG card. When we got his royalty check we took him to Toys R Us and let him buy whatever he wanted. We explained to him that he worked for this reward but subsequent monies we would invest or save. The one thing my ex was always good at was picking investments and saving money. He continued on that path until he was around 8 or 9 then decided he didn't want to do it anymore. Okie dokie, whatever you want SkylerRoo.
Once he got to high school, he chose Drama as his extracurricular and took that all 4 years of school. Now again, I know EVERY mother says this, but this kid has talent. When he's on stage whether it be a Drama or a Comedy, he owns the stage. He has a presence and his speak is effortless. You honestly believe he is the character. He is now in his 2nd year of college, thank you Jesus, but there isn't a Drama course where he attends. I'm hoping he will gravitate back towards it. He is 6'2+ and I tell him he could walk the runway or do side modeling gigs or whatever he wants to do. I am not a stage mother by any means, I just want both my sons to be happy and fulfilled and do what they love doing for their careers.
Last night my second beloved, Spencer, graced the high school Drama stage for the very first time. His role was as the Giant. Again, I was so proud of the way he took command of the stage and knowing his lines and just having a blast being the Giant. I am a very humbled, proud, grateful Mum of my two boys. They will never get just how much I depend on their humor, sarcasm (oh yes, both are fluent) love and support. They are always a prize in my eyes.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Weekend in Chattavega
This past weekend would have been my parents 51st anniversary. Debra and I drove up Saturday afternoon to be with our Mum. These once special and happy days are really turning into days I want to avoid, but alas, I cannot. My denial only works for some things. I was OK until I got off at Mum's exit and I turn down a street with a church and the lovely cemetery faces the road. First choke up of the weekend. My Dad isn't even buried there nor was that their church they worshipped in. I allowed myself to cry while I drove to Mum's house and then stopped. After I took a nap, I did feel better even though I was sleeping in their bed on my Dad's side of the bed. Thankfully, that does not seem to bother me. It's more comforting.
After my sister gets there, which is always way after me because she is perpetually late, as I have established in prior blogs, the two Leo's want to go shopping. OH JOY! Because shopping is right up there with root canal for me. We hit the pharmacy, that had the oldest patrons I have ever seen in one place before, and I lived in Florida. They found a consignment shop they wanted to look at. Yay! We go in and they are looking at this old crap and that old crap and I am thinking in my head, "I could just go in the back and hang myself and end this torture." After about oohhhhh 40 minutes of buying nothing, we go to the hardware store for vacuum repair. Where BONUS they offer free popcorn. ;=.......Anyhoo, we get what we need and head to the grocery store, now grocery shopping I do not mind unless it was with my baby's daddy, he could make a quick run turn into an afternoon, horrible, horrific even. Where was I? Oh right, Publix, so we go and get food for our "anniversary" dinner for 3. Debra and I always have such good adventures in the grocery store and I don't even know why. But we always do and thankfully Saturday was no exception. We decide on filet's, green beans, french bread and of course a trio of small desserts. I grab beer and Debra heads next door to the wine store. Another place we can always get giggling at.
We are home and decide to watch one of all of our favorite moovies "A Christmas Carol" with Alastair Sims, my all time fave version. Debra is happily being Chef Diva and Mum and I are watching the moovie. I, of course, have already tapped into the beer. My niece Jane and her doggy Aunt Heidi are running around this ranch house and being idiots. Dinner comes and we sit and BAM here come my tears again. Now, when the "strong one" starts crying it turns the other two into puddles as well. Maybe I need to have my blood checked because this crying is not me, I don't like it, I don't want to do it and I'm tired of crying since April 11, 2012. I used to make fun of my Mum for crying at Kodak commercials when they came on the TV, and I would laugh when Deb would get teary over stupid things. Now, I'm the stupid, crying girl. Really pisses me off to be honest with you. I'm starting to believe they have become the "strong ones". We enjoy the wonderful dinner that Deb made and the rest of the night was uneventful.
Our next hurdle with not be until April 11, 2013, I am already back ordering my tissues.
After my sister gets there, which is always way after me because she is perpetually late, as I have established in prior blogs, the two Leo's want to go shopping. OH JOY! Because shopping is right up there with root canal for me. We hit the pharmacy, that had the oldest patrons I have ever seen in one place before, and I lived in Florida. They found a consignment shop they wanted to look at. Yay! We go in and they are looking at this old crap and that old crap and I am thinking in my head, "I could just go in the back and hang myself and end this torture." After about oohhhhh 40 minutes of buying nothing, we go to the hardware store for vacuum repair. Where BONUS they offer free popcorn. ;=.......Anyhoo, we get what we need and head to the grocery store, now grocery shopping I do not mind unless it was with my baby's daddy, he could make a quick run turn into an afternoon, horrible, horrific even. Where was I? Oh right, Publix, so we go and get food for our "anniversary" dinner for 3. Debra and I always have such good adventures in the grocery store and I don't even know why. But we always do and thankfully Saturday was no exception. We decide on filet's, green beans, french bread and of course a trio of small desserts. I grab beer and Debra heads next door to the wine store. Another place we can always get giggling at.
We are home and decide to watch one of all of our favorite moovies "A Christmas Carol" with Alastair Sims, my all time fave version. Debra is happily being Chef Diva and Mum and I are watching the moovie. I, of course, have already tapped into the beer. My niece Jane and her doggy Aunt Heidi are running around this ranch house and being idiots. Dinner comes and we sit and BAM here come my tears again. Now, when the "strong one" starts crying it turns the other two into puddles as well. Maybe I need to have my blood checked because this crying is not me, I don't like it, I don't want to do it and I'm tired of crying since April 11, 2012. I used to make fun of my Mum for crying at Kodak commercials when they came on the TV, and I would laugh when Deb would get teary over stupid things. Now, I'm the stupid, crying girl. Really pisses me off to be honest with you. I'm starting to believe they have become the "strong ones". We enjoy the wonderful dinner that Deb made and the rest of the night was uneventful.
Our next hurdle with not be until April 11, 2013, I am already back ordering my tissues.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
There's a Calm...ahhhhhh
As I have shared before, I believe in Paranormal, Angels and Psychics. I recently went to my psychic Denise, who is beyond wonderful. The very first time I went to see her was about 6 years ago. I had this pesky on/off relationship and for the life of me could not figure out why I kept taking him back. I check in with her annually unless I have a dilemma that I cannot remove myself from. Most times when I sit with her, I already know how it's going to turn out. I'm intuitive that way and know what I need to do/say but aren't ready to do so. And if I'm not ready to let it go or I think maybe it could have a different outcome, I will hold on. Even psychics make mistakes, your path can change daily. It's all in how you address or engage with others or even your own self, that discerns your course. And you may get sidetracked, but eventually you will resume the path you were meant to follow. Even if you don't want to. Those pesky angels and their agenda's honestly!
Yesterday was no exception in the 'thought so' department. Sometimes you cannot go and hear her if you are not ready to take what she says and follow through. The reason I prefer Denise over others I have been to over the years, oh yes, I said years people. Debra and I go to psychics like most go to therapists, fact. Except I'm not the crazy sister that needs to go every couple of months, OK fine, I did this past year but that's not my normal pattern, thank you! :).. Anyway, where was I? I get distracted so easily...SQUIRREL! Oh right, Denise always takes any anxiety or stomach bunch feeling I have and quiets it. Every single time I have gone in and was worried about the outcome, by the end of the session I feel so at peace and so centered that I can take on anything and anyone. Such is the case from my last visit. The things she gave me information on, I didn't really want to hear it, I sensed some of it, but you know when you meet people and have relationships, be it lovers, friends, family, all count as relationships, if you really trusted or liked that person(s) you want to believe they aren't lying to your face or maybe not treating you the way you thought they were. Denise brings a lot of credibility with her skills as well. For example she foretold my Dad's illness a year before it happened, she has been dead right on past relationships I have had and she had given me information that I thought possibly couldn't be accurate only to find out, hey guess what idiot, it was factual.
One thing my on/off ex did give me was closure. I know people scoff at that word, but when you are in love with someone or you really care about them, when it ends you need to know why. When I 'release' someone, (sounds so much better than dumped, no?) I give them the whole reason, not to hurt them but so I don't have to worry about them showing up at my door, calling from a blocked number or emailing me and/or seeing me out and confronting me. And because I do this with others, I sometimes, need it for myself. If i didn't care about the person than it's usually 'good riddance and F you too'. Said nicely of course, because my mother raised ladies, our Dad raised girls who could stand up for themselves and use expletives to make our point. My Mum raised us to be independent women, some would say too independent, but those are weak people and we don't need to discuss them.
Yesterday was no exception in the 'thought so' department. Sometimes you cannot go and hear her if you are not ready to take what she says and follow through. The reason I prefer Denise over others I have been to over the years, oh yes, I said years people. Debra and I go to psychics like most go to therapists, fact. Except I'm not the crazy sister that needs to go every couple of months, OK fine, I did this past year but that's not my normal pattern, thank you! :).. Anyway, where was I? I get distracted so easily...SQUIRREL! Oh right, Denise always takes any anxiety or stomach bunch feeling I have and quiets it. Every single time I have gone in and was worried about the outcome, by the end of the session I feel so at peace and so centered that I can take on anything and anyone. Such is the case from my last visit. The things she gave me information on, I didn't really want to hear it, I sensed some of it, but you know when you meet people and have relationships, be it lovers, friends, family, all count as relationships, if you really trusted or liked that person(s) you want to believe they aren't lying to your face or maybe not treating you the way you thought they were. Denise brings a lot of credibility with her skills as well. For example she foretold my Dad's illness a year before it happened, she has been dead right on past relationships I have had and she had given me information that I thought possibly couldn't be accurate only to find out, hey guess what idiot, it was factual.
One thing my on/off ex did give me was closure. I know people scoff at that word, but when you are in love with someone or you really care about them, when it ends you need to know why. When I 'release' someone, (sounds so much better than dumped, no?) I give them the whole reason, not to hurt them but so I don't have to worry about them showing up at my door, calling from a blocked number or emailing me and/or seeing me out and confronting me. And because I do this with others, I sometimes, need it for myself. If i didn't care about the person than it's usually 'good riddance and F you too'. Said nicely of course, because my mother raised ladies, our Dad raised girls who could stand up for themselves and use expletives to make our point. My Mum raised us to be independent women, some would say too independent, but those are weak people and we don't need to discuss them.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Friends
We all have friends right? Did you know there are different levels of friends? Let's discuss shall we?
First you have that casual aquaintance, you know that person that wants to be your friend but you're kinda like, 'ummm not so much'. Then we have the instant friend, this is the person that you meet once and you know you were meant to be buds that would have some really good times and if things went well they could become a bestie. Another level of friendship is the person that you initially thought you would be buds with and then over the course of your time together, you have a conversation with yourself that usually begins with 'why do I even talk to that person?' Now, if you're me, you feel like on some level you have to keep this friend around. As I have discussed in other blogs, I believe in psychics and mine is quite good. After time with my friend I asked my guru 'why can I not let this person go?' and her reply was that 'we had previous lives together and you feel bound.' I'm guessing that's why I still talk with this person after all this time. But as of late, it really has become more of me asking myself why. I may have to fade myself out of their life because it really is becoming hard to be positive about the friendship anymore.
Recently, I encountered another type of friendship. One that was fast and all encompassing. It made me happy and I think it made my friend happy as well. Then suddenly as soon as it started we parted. And honestly, it made me quite sad. Because I had really become attached to this person, the things we discussed were things a lot of my besties don't know. Like a lot of my close friends, I trusted this person, I felt safe, loved and completely off guard with them. I know I have walked away from friendships in the past, but when this did happen it was due to an incident or betrayal. With this friend, I didn't have that, at least not that I'm aware of. And when you have a really close, trusted friend and they walk away from you, it's hard, really hard. I don't know that I've been this sad or heartbroken in a very long time. And quite honestly, I didn't miss this hurt. My friend is not the devil and I'm not trying to paint that picture, but whatever the reason, it ended by their hand and I'd like to think my friend is feeling a little down that it ended as well. I could be wrong, pfft, what am I saying, I'm never wrong.
My point is just that we do have people who float in and out of our lives, some stay for longer than a minute and others do not. Whatever the reason we have to cherish what we did have and appreciate the friends who still want to be with us. Through the years I've accumulated a very tight, close group of people I am proud to be friends with. They all know I would walk through fire for them, well until it started to burn then I'm out. I cannot mess up my hair! And my peeps know I blog with love even if it is poked at their expense sometimes. Kiss Kiss.
First you have that casual aquaintance, you know that person that wants to be your friend but you're kinda like, 'ummm not so much'. Then we have the instant friend, this is the person that you meet once and you know you were meant to be buds that would have some really good times and if things went well they could become a bestie. Another level of friendship is the person that you initially thought you would be buds with and then over the course of your time together, you have a conversation with yourself that usually begins with 'why do I even talk to that person?' Now, if you're me, you feel like on some level you have to keep this friend around. As I have discussed in other blogs, I believe in psychics and mine is quite good. After time with my friend I asked my guru 'why can I not let this person go?' and her reply was that 'we had previous lives together and you feel bound.' I'm guessing that's why I still talk with this person after all this time. But as of late, it really has become more of me asking myself why. I may have to fade myself out of their life because it really is becoming hard to be positive about the friendship anymore.
Recently, I encountered another type of friendship. One that was fast and all encompassing. It made me happy and I think it made my friend happy as well. Then suddenly as soon as it started we parted. And honestly, it made me quite sad. Because I had really become attached to this person, the things we discussed were things a lot of my besties don't know. Like a lot of my close friends, I trusted this person, I felt safe, loved and completely off guard with them. I know I have walked away from friendships in the past, but when this did happen it was due to an incident or betrayal. With this friend, I didn't have that, at least not that I'm aware of. And when you have a really close, trusted friend and they walk away from you, it's hard, really hard. I don't know that I've been this sad or heartbroken in a very long time. And quite honestly, I didn't miss this hurt. My friend is not the devil and I'm not trying to paint that picture, but whatever the reason, it ended by their hand and I'd like to think my friend is feeling a little down that it ended as well. I could be wrong, pfft, what am I saying, I'm never wrong.
My point is just that we do have people who float in and out of our lives, some stay for longer than a minute and others do not. Whatever the reason we have to cherish what we did have and appreciate the friends who still want to be with us. Through the years I've accumulated a very tight, close group of people I am proud to be friends with. They all know I would walk through fire for them, well until it started to burn then I'm out. I cannot mess up my hair! And my peeps know I blog with love even if it is poked at their expense sometimes. Kiss Kiss.
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