Friends

Today I want to discuss relationships.  I have acquaintances and I have friends. I'm not quick to open up to people as I have a general distrust in people of either sex. I'm very intuitive which makes it harder for me to trust and like people. I can tell 10 seconds into meeting you if you are good person or a keep at arms length person. My sister is getting there, finally, but she was always  too generous with her affections and friendships. I would try and warn her and I'm sure if she thinks about it, I was always right in my warnings. But hey, the beauty of me. My Mum and older son have this sense too. My eldest not only looks like me, but sounds like me and thankfully for him, has my hair. You're welcome Skyler. He doesn't give his attentions so easily and maybe our divorce attributed to that. When he was a baby/toddler he would talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime. Now? You have to earn that right. And I think it's safer quite honestly. Less hurt, drama or threat of harm.

My friend "circle", think Robert DeNiro in "Meet The Fockers", is a small, close knit group. I trust my inner circle with almost everything. Which is big for me. There are still things I keep very close to the vest as I'm sure we all do. When my Dad was sick no one at work was the wiser, it wasn't until I came to grips this was more serious than his previous surgeries that I opened up a tad. After he passed I had my break down and then regrouped. One friend even said that he thought "I handled it really well." Yeah OK, you weren't there in the shower, or in bed when I was sobbing and crying. But outwardly I did hold it together because that's what I have always done and will continue to do. Part of my make up. I'm not saying that people who do break down in public are any less strong than I, but I really am not one to focus attention to myself. I'm OK being in the background, and watching others delight in the spotlight. I know some of you are like "right, you wear a freaking tiara" OK, and? It's a fashion statement, not a "look at me" sign. That's my explanation. Anyway, my friends also know if I want to talk about something I will eventually spill it. Sometimes alcohol will make that spillage sooner rather than later, but if it's bothering me enough, I will share.

My friends also know, I'm here for them anytime, any place, anywhere. I treasure my friends and immediate family because nothing is certain, tomorrow is not guaranteed and I don't want any of my "circle" to ever wonder how I felt about them. Sometimes I may tell them more then they care or want to know, but I have no regrets. If nothing else I can say I tried, I shared and I refuse to feel bad about anything I've shared. Regret will get you nowhere fast and maybe I haven't been as tactful as I could have, but sometimes I have no tact. I have no inner monologue. If I think it. BAM, you know it. And that's not always a bad thing either, my "circle" and I have things to laugh about...Remember, no what if's or  should haves people. Now go out there and tell someone or some friend just how much you like and appreciate them, and wish them all the best!