Why I Blog

For those of you who don't know, I blog as a way of ridding myself of anger, frustration, hurt, and cleansing. I'm typically the type of person who keeps things inside and my outlet used to be cleaning, but when friends suggested blogging a few years ago, this has been very beneficial to me. It's also helpful for my inner circle when I don't share how my true feelings are, they find out here. And thankfully, none of them sit there and judge me, which is why they are in my inner circle. I'm always sad and feel like a death has occurred when I lose an inner circle person.

Even when they jack me over, after the anger subsides, the hurt ensues. When someone in my inner circle hurts me, it's quite painful because those in the inner circle, are trusted and given all kinds of insight that is me. Now, some of you may think that's arrogant and preposterous, but I can tell you, before you know me, I am a tough puzzle to crack and once you are allowed inside the barrier, I consider you there for life. Again, until you F*ck me over then you die, maybe not for real, but in my eyes, you are dead to me. This is just how I cope when someone hurts me, I need to think they are dead, so that I can let the pain go. One person asked me how he could get on the "dead list", I replied "say the word, and you will be there." His reply was "No, I want to die so I can come back." As I looked at this dork, I told him "There is no coming back from the dead. Once you are there, you stay. And if that's truly what you want, again, say the word." This person would rather not say anything though then have an adult conversation with you. And that's fine, different people cope and deal with things in different manners. I for one, want it out there. Others, like him, would rather you drift away so that if he changes his mind, he can come back without you saying "I thought you were done." Even with therapy, some people cannot change their behavior or how they manage relationships. I am not here to judge or condemn any of my friends. All I ever want is for my peeps to know they are loved and appreciated when they are in my world.