True Story

You know? When I'm out mowing, I have a million thoughts exploding in my tiny little brain to blog about. Then I come in and go to 'share' and I'm trying to figure out what to discuss. SQUIRREL!...

Anyhoo, let's see. What do I want to shine a light on today? Hmmm, how about friends? This past week, I had a "Come to Jesus" meeting with several friends on my roster. I enjoy being the girl who can have several types of friends, if you will. The one friend you won't see in my kennel is a lying friend. Why? You ask? Because if I can't trust you then I don't want you in my life. Don't break previous plans  or tell me you're going to do something and then lie to me about it. One, I can always smell a lie, and if you're lying to me about something so stupid, you don't respect me or our friendship so why even pretend to be friends. If you are in my "inner circle" I trust you explicitly. So lying or being an arse does not bode well for you. My friends know this and even though I'm pretty easy going, there are just some things I can't over look. Maybe it's because I couldn't lie if my life depended on it, seriously, I am a horrible liar. So unfortunately, if you want my honest opinion, you're going to get it and it may not be sugar coated. I'm just saying.

Having said that, why is it there are some people you let get away with 'white lies'? They didn't really lie to you per se, but they didn't tell you the full truth either. Why are there some people that you just continue to give 2nd, 3rd or even 4th chances too? I have several theories about that. Because I consider myself spiritual and believe in higher beings, sometimes I think, perhaps we were in each others lives in another time? I know there have been exes that I had prior lifetimes with. We weren't always lovers but siblings, friends etc. These are the people that when I met them, I had an instant connection to. I meet people all the time, but it's the rare one I meet that I feel pulled to, you know what I mean? Some have even annoyed the living hell out of me, but I kept them around because I couldnt let them go for whatever reason. Then there are the ones you meet and you think to yourself, "if I never see that person again, I'm OK with that." I know we always see "The heart wants what the heart wants" and this applies to friendship as well. It doesn't have to be just a potential lover or more in depth relationship. Sometimes people need you to help them to get a place they need to be and vice versus. I think we can all remember a person we either dated or was besties with where you were inseparable and then wham! They are out of your life. There are those who back away from you, (that never happens to me, I'm just telling a story here lol), and 3 months later you think to yourself, "wait a minute, I haven't spoken with so and so, but you know what? It's OK."

I guess that's why as we grow and move on or change our habits and goals, we should thank those that helped us along our paths even if we feel they didn't value us, they made us the people we are today. Sometimes that's good, sometimes it's not. It's up to you to see the difference.

My sister, Debra.

Tomorrow my sister will be the big 4-0. Lucky for her and me, our parents age very well so she doesn't look like what people assume "40" should look like. Thanks to her I have many more horror stories to share. When she was born I got the title of "Big Sister". I will admit I wasn't completely gung ho about having her, but as we have aged she has become one of my besties. We have known heartache, we are dealing with  grief, we have punched idiots, and we have embraced the ladies we are today. We have had out up and downs in our relationship. At one point we didn't communicate for a few years, which was really hard on our parents. But, I'm quite stubborn, and if I think something, it takes an act of Congress to change my thinking. I also hold grudges, but this isn't about me. This is my "love blog" to her. Yes, I know, I can sing, but I cannot write songs so this is all she gets. She'll be fine. :)

My sister came to us on an August Sunday afternoon. My Mum was convinced she was a boy and had no girl names for back up. Shocker! She wasn't a boy. But what she did have going for her was a hurricane named Debra in South Florida's horizon and bingo, Debra was her name-o. Our parents are quite imaginative, right? I mean I was supposed to be a girl so my name was picked out way before I blessed my parents with my arrival. The beauty of Moi. Anyhoo....

As we grew, I would babysit her when our parents would go out for 'date night'. I remember watching "Creature Feature" Saturday nights and being scared to walk into the kitchen, which was literally 15 steps away. hahahahah. She was an adorable toddler and when she was 2ish she had these two terry cloth "babe-in-suits" that's what she called them, that were white and pink. On the booty was either a sailboat or a fish. Fricking cute as she could be. She had blondish brown hair and a killer tan and even at 2 had a sassy walk. I remember Mum commenting that she was going to be 'something' when she got bigger. Mum was no dummy. Deb turned out to be quite the 'something'.

Debra is not only intelligent, humorous, generous, considerate, loving, fashionista and all round "it" girl, she is my sister. I have other friends I consider 'sisters' but she is my only blood sister. And I am one lucky Princess to have been blessed with her in my life. She had made me a kinder, gentler, more loving person and I wouldn't be half the woman I am today, if not for her. I love you and I am proud to call you my sister as well as my friend. Kissy.

Friends

Today I want to discuss relationships.  I have acquaintances and I have friends. I'm not quick to open up to people as I have a general distrust in people of either sex. I'm very intuitive which makes it harder for me to trust and like people. I can tell 10 seconds into meeting you if you are good person or a keep at arms length person. My sister is getting there, finally, but she was always  too generous with her affections and friendships. I would try and warn her and I'm sure if she thinks about it, I was always right in my warnings. But hey, the beauty of me. My Mum and older son have this sense too. My eldest not only looks like me, but sounds like me and thankfully for him, has my hair. You're welcome Skyler. He doesn't give his attentions so easily and maybe our divorce attributed to that. When he was a baby/toddler he would talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime. Now? You have to earn that right. And I think it's safer quite honestly. Less hurt, drama or threat of harm.

My friend "circle", think Robert DeNiro in "Meet The Fockers", is a small, close knit group. I trust my inner circle with almost everything. Which is big for me. There are still things I keep very close to the vest as I'm sure we all do. When my Dad was sick no one at work was the wiser, it wasn't until I came to grips this was more serious than his previous surgeries that I opened up a tad. After he passed I had my break down and then regrouped. One friend even said that he thought "I handled it really well." Yeah OK, you weren't there in the shower, or in bed when I was sobbing and crying. But outwardly I did hold it together because that's what I have always done and will continue to do. Part of my make up. I'm not saying that people who do break down in public are any less strong than I, but I really am not one to focus attention to myself. I'm OK being in the background, and watching others delight in the spotlight. I know some of you are like "right, you wear a freaking tiara" OK, and? It's a fashion statement, not a "look at me" sign. That's my explanation. Anyway, my friends also know if I want to talk about something I will eventually spill it. Sometimes alcohol will make that spillage sooner rather than later, but if it's bothering me enough, I will share.

My friends also know, I'm here for them anytime, any place, anywhere. I treasure my friends and immediate family because nothing is certain, tomorrow is not guaranteed and I don't want any of my "circle" to ever wonder how I felt about them. Sometimes I may tell them more then they care or want to know, but I have no regrets. If nothing else I can say I tried, I shared and I refuse to feel bad about anything I've shared. Regret will get you nowhere fast and maybe I haven't been as tactful as I could have, but sometimes I have no tact. I have no inner monologue. If I think it. BAM, you know it. And that's not always a bad thing either, my "circle" and I have things to laugh about...Remember, no what if's or  should haves people. Now go out there and tell someone or some friend just how much you like and appreciate them, and wish them all the best!

My Mum

Today my Mum turned 75. I can only pray that I look as good as she does at 75. I'm not bad for 800, but I'm on the edge of 900 and my Mum looked good well through her 900's. I have hope. My Mum has taught me a lot in our 800 years of child/mother relationship. She has preached honesty, selflessness, accountability, work ethic, and motherhood, just to name a few. If not for her, I don't think I would be the giving, loving, caring person I CAN be today. I capitalized can because if you get on my bad side, none of those qualities will you ever see again. Promise. If you don't believe me, I can give you references, but I digress from my ode to Mum blog. Now, where was I? Oh yes....

When I was growing up I was an only child until I was 10. Then my parents decided I wasn't enough joy so they had my sister. OK, whatever, I get it. As a parent I wanted my kids to be closer in age but hey, they aren't 10 years apart so score one for me. I'm not going to sugar coat and say I was super excited about having a sibling. Now when I was 5, 6  or 7 heck yes, I wanted a brother or sister. But I didn't get that gift until later. However, better later than never. We weren't close since I had no use at 19 with a 9 year old sister. But when I went through my divorce she was truly a helping hand. Sometimes I even act like the younger sister but I wouldn't trade my place in line. I was lucky enough to have 10 more years with both Mum and Dad alone. I remember one Fall, my parents moved us to Pittsburgh and it was the first time I saw snow, I was so stoked! Mum and I went out that Fall and found turning leaves and she dipped them in wax that she melted so we could decorate the house. I was 9, but you know what? 40 years later and it's still one of my favorite Mummy and Me moments.

I know friends who aren't particularly close with their Mum's and I'm not going to lie, I understand. My Mother and I haven't had the perfect relationship but I don't think there are such things as perfect relationships on any level. I have some friends I want to baby shake, and then I have friends who I don't talk to every day but it's like we never missed a beat when we do talk again. I have some friends who can annoy me but I love them anyway. It would be no fun if everyone were as perfect and sensible as Moi. I mean come on, we need diversity, right? And thanks to my Mum, I can handle any type of person. Whether I choose to or not however, is entirely up to me.

So thanks Mum for all you taught me and showed me. I love you, you get on my last nerve, you are too sappy sometimes, but you're mine and I wouldn't trade you for another Mother ever. Happy Birthday and here's to 75 more!

Vacay and memories..

You know what's great about vacation? Everything! Since I grew up in South Florida, I always go 'home' for my vacays. When I go with my son's, we go to different areas of Florida. My eldest is a beach kid like me while my youngest is a pool kid. No worries Momma can accommodate both her beloveds. I'm currently saving to take them to Europe for our next vacay. :)

This past week I went back to where I grew up. Thanks to Facebook, I am in contact with some high school buddies and I get to spend time with them. Even though we are more age advanced we really haven't changed all that much. I think we all look the same, for the most part. None of us has gone under the knife for face lifts, or lipo, even though we wouldn't mind a little lift, we are all aging naturally. So far. For me vacations are like going to Disney World. It's a fantasy land. You forget all your bills, your worries, family issues, just everything that is less than pleasant.

When I was younger my aunt and her kids would visit us in Florida from Montreal, Canada,. She would take her sweet time getting ready and my Dad , who wasn't known for his patience, would get so mad waiting on her to get dressed and whatever else she was doing he would blow and it was his sister. My cousin and I would get up and be dressed for the beach in 5 minutes, 3 hours later my aunt was ready to take us to the beach. It was so annoying and her speed has not increased with age. But these are the memories I have. And they are good memories that make me laugh. Like when I lit my hair on fire at my grandmother's funeral, or when friends tell jokes and I don't get them. (that still happens today).

When my father passed I was cleaning his bathroom and found "stuff" I wasn't meant to find. But you know what? It makes for a funny story when I relay it to friends. Or when after finding the 'stuff' I put into a room my sister was cleaning so she could find them. I mean, I'm not selfish by any means. Why should I be the only person traumatized. I share. :)...Mum if you are reading this, I'm not telling what we found, these lips are locked.

So as we continue in our month of August, I hope everyone makes some summer memories or vacay memories that they can return to when a pick me up is needed. Isn't that what life is all about anyway?

I never want to see another Father's Day...

As I expected, Father's Day was horrendous. I have been dreading it since May, with all the E-mails of sales, and commercials on TV, then of course, the radio blah blah blah. I made sure my son's had gifts to give their Dad, but it was a very emotional day for me, Debra and our Mum. Thankfully, Deb and I were not alone. We went over to our friend Glenn's house, where his daughter shared the day with him. The pool was fantastic and just what we needed.

 We laughed a lot, and then towards the end of the day, Deb and I found ourselves total nut bags. Now, she is normally the nut bag all by herself, well she and our Mum, but I guess I'm getting 'softer' emotion wise, and I couldn't get a sentence out without crying. And to be clear, I wasn't all sobby-like, but the tears did flow, and quite honestly, they still are.

 I spoke with a friend of mine on my way home, and after hanging up with him, I thought "I need to apologize to him, I had no business talking to anyone, much less someone I like". I sent a 'sorry' text and being the great guy he is, he was completely cool about it. ( a little pun, but not everyone will get it).

Anyhoo, I am thankful I did have my sister to commiserate with though, since we are both suffering his loss, we both get what the other is feeling and going through and I hope I made it easier for her as well. We will being seeing our Mum next weekend as the hospice is having a "Remembrance Service" for people who passed in the same frame our Dad did. How much freaking fun is that going to be? Sooo looking forward to that, I cannot tell you how I am keeping the excitement contained. ;=

But like everything else, we will prevail and suck it up and carry on, because "We are strong, like Bulls!"

Hmmmmm

I've been on this weight loss program for 37 days, and so far have lost 28 lbs. I still want to lose more, and I know I will. This life style change has taught me to really look at the food we digest into our bodies. On this plan, I have eaten no processed foods, sugars, carbs and minimal fats. I always thought I ate fairly well anyway. I didn't eat fried, except for french fries, I ate a lot of chicken, fish, seafood, turkey that was either broiled, grilled or steamed. Yesterday the company I work for celebrated our 90th Anniversary, amazing I know. But they gave us a picnic and the food supplied was from one of my favorite eateries. It was BBQ but I chose chicken, a spoon of cole slaw, mac & cheese and baked beans. I took one bite of the mac & cheese and all I could taste was the salt, I took a bite of the slaw and it tasted 'off'. My lunch partner, who introduced me to this program, said 'your taste buds will change, things will taste different', and she was right. No worries, I'm not going to become this freak about what I eat to others, but I did realize that I have survived without less than healthy food and I liked it. I guess as we get older and more aware of the things that annoy our body, we have to adhere to the signs. For instance, I have been taking a water pill to reduce swelling, I was hoping after this program I wouldn't need to keep taking, so far no go. I didn't eat that much salt to begin with and on this plan salt is ruled out. No problem for me. However, because of the calorie restriction I haven't been able to do my "Workout By Jillian" tapes. Come Monday though, she is back in the DVR and Shelly and I will be killing ourselves to get toned. I say BRING IT ON JILLIAN! I got this!